Archives

• The Law of Surrender

  This Spiritual Law requires that you surrender to the circumstances of your life as they are. Ultimately, this is the “telling myself the truth” law. This is the way it is, now what? When you are able to surrender to what is, then you open yourself up to tons of possibilities that will change the experience you are having with your life. Surrendering is very different than giving up. When you “give up,” you feel victimized, but when you surrender you become empowered to take different actions than you have in the past. When you “give up,” you feel drained and empty, but when you surrender you are filled with inspiration and become open to a wider view of yourself and the world around you. When you resist what is, whatever you’re resisting consumes your attention and it becomes very difficult to be in the flow of your life. Surrendering opens us up to a greater reality than what we previously thought possible. Dan Millman talks about The Law of Surrender In the first half of this video, Millman teaches this law using some common circumstances we might find ourselves in. The Law of Surrender gives us new ways to be in the world. Millman also teaches an important concept that I work with in my coaching work: “Emotions are the weather patterns of the body.” During the second half of the video, Millman shares a simple way to stay in the present moment. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Surrender | My Heart Heals.

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• It’s not if you fall, it’s what you do after that counts!

  When I saw this video, I cried… There are certain circumstances that can knock us down. Life throws us challenges: a move to a new home; a change in career; an unexpected death in the family; an illness; a divorce. We don’t always know how to find resilience after setback or how to get back up after big losses, but I hope this video gives you some inspiration to do it… to get back up and move forward. In fact, resilience after setback is something we all deserve to build. An important part of getting back up is discovering ways to regain your self‑confidence so that when life knocks you down, you can rise with clarity, inner strength, and trust in yourself rather than dread of past failures. Feelings like sadness, grief, disappointment, frustration, and grief can overwhelm us. I know… I’ve been there! However, finding resilience in the aftermath of setback truly requires acknowledging these emotions and learning how to work through them. Do You Feel Alone? Going through a major life transition often leaves us feeling alone. Well-meaning friends and family can give us wonderful support, but it’s not always what we need and we can end up feeling more alone than ever. If this is your experience, you’re not alone (no pun intended). If you’ve moved, changed your career left a relationship then you have a lot to deal with. Your surroundings may have changed. The people you trusted and counted on may not be available in the ways you need them. You might need a new support system, and that is completely and totally normal and expected! With support, your resilience after facing a setback can really grow. Prepare Yourself! I know it’s not as easy as saying, “Just do blah, blah, blah!” You may know what needs to change. You may know what you need to do differently, but you may not be in a position to create the pathway to a better future. The woman in the video trained to run that race. She trained to win. She had a coach and practiced every day to improve. Take some time and create a plan – a step-by-step plan that gets you hooked into community gets you the support you need and holds you accountable for taking decisive and strategic actions to get back on top of your life. It may be a struggle. You may get out of breath feeling overwhelmed, but you can do it. Rest assured, resilience after a major setback is possible if you stay committed. Here’s how you can reinvent yourself and move toward a better future. With each and every action you take, ask yourself, “Will this keep me stuck in the past or will it propel me to the future I desire?” Ask this question for what you believe – do you need to change your beliefs? As this question for what you tell yourself in your internal dialogue – do you need to have a strong boundary with yourself to change how you talk to yourself? Remember, resilience after setback often starts with the questions you ask yourself on the journey. Choose who you will invite in as your support team. Who are your coaches and cheerleaders? Is there someone you can complain to—someone who won’t let you get away with it but also won’t make you feel bad about yourself? Who will hold you in your highest, guide your every step, and keep your heart in sacred trust? Having trusted allies is a key step toward greater resilience after setback. I will! If you want support to reinvent yourself, schedule a complimentary 30 minute call with me here and we’ll explore how I can support you.

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• The Law of Acceptance

  The first spiritual law states “everything is as it should be.” This concept aligns with the law of acceptance, which encourages embracing life as it is, as part of the larger theme of understanding the law of acceptance. It’s not easy to embrace this law when your spouse just lied to you about your financial situation, cheated on you with your best friend, or is threatening you with divorce. Nor is it easy to embrace this law when your heart is broken and you are in the most intense pain wishing to not have the experience you’re having and for your life to be different. This is where the law of acceptance can be challenging yet transformative. There’s an old Sufi story about a farmer and his son. Have you heard it? The farmer heads out to feed his animals and his prized horse is dead. As soon as the village learned of this tragedy, they came to express their condolences. The farmer heard the same message throughout the day: “What a terrible thing to have happen to you. This is the worst thing that could happen.” The farmer repeated what became a mantra to the well-wishers: “Perhaps…. perhaps…” The following week, while the farmer was working the land, his eldest son runs to tell him that he just captured a herd of wild horses. This time the villagers were excited for the farmer and came to congratulate him on his good fortune. It reflects moments in life where accepting events as they unfold can align with the principles of the law of acceptance. “You are so lucky! Look at the blessing that has been bestowed upon you. An entire herd of horses! You rock!” Interestingly, the farmer’s reply was the same as before, “Perhaps…” A few days later he sent his son to tame the wild horses. In the process, the farmer’s son was thrown to the ground and his leg was broken, reiterating how the acceptance of life’s uncertainties plays into understanding the law of acceptance. You know the villagers were pretty tight back then, so they all heard of the tragedy. Once again the villagers came to check on the boy and to inform the farmer of what bad luck he was having. The farmer’s reply once again was, “Perhaps… perhaps.” The farmer’s son was still bedridden several weeks later when the emperor sent his messengers to round up all the boys who could fight in a local battle. Of course, they passed the boy right on by when the messengers saw how injured he was. A few weeks later, the neighbors, who lost their sons in the battle, again come by the farmer’s home and say, “You’re so lucky to have your son home with you.” And do you know what the farmer said? You’re right, “Perhaps… perhaps.” Acceptance: It may be the last thing you want to do, yet it is central to having a life guided by the principles of the law of acceptance. Usually, when we’re in the middle of a crisis, our first thought tends to be something like this: It shouldn’t be like this. Why is this happening to me? The Law of Acceptance teaches us that our lives are always evolving whether we know it or not and invites us to remember that what may appear to be a tragedy, maybe in reality leading us to the fulfillment of our dreams. When you are living this law you will be heading toward a trusting relationship with the Divine. You will trust on an intuitive level that the changes that are taking place in your life are ultimately for your highest good – even when you are hurting. The Law of Acceptance is the first step toward healing your broken heart. As you embrace The Law of Acceptance, you will open yourself up to reinventing yourself and creating the life that you most desire, embodying the principles of the law of acceptance. RESOURCES: exercise, book, and a video. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford The Right Questions by Debbie Ford Byron Katie — Is it true? In this powerful video, Byron Katie highlights a story about a woman who doesn’t even know what she wants. After asking a few important questions, she discovers that she doesn’t even want her husband back. Insights from the law of acceptance can help one uncover such truths. Can you imagine the freedom you can have from discovering what you really want?

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• Science proves we are hardwired for this

  Understanding why connection matters after divorce is crucial for personal healing and growth. Many who find themselves struggling often ask why connection matters after divorce. What does the Research Show? Over a decade of research confirms two of my 7-key practices as necessary for living a happy and fulfilling life after divorce. Watch this TED Talk by Brené Brown regularly to remind yourself that you are in control of how you experience life. Even as your life seems to be unraveling completely out of control, you have power. Implement these practices from my PDF Report and you will shorten your healing process – guaranteed! Why is Divorce so Painful? Science shows that our brains are wired for CONNECTION. When we experience a divorce, so many connections are severed. This highlights why connection matters after divorce. We no longer have a partner to sleep next to or share the successes and challenges our daily life brings. The connections we have in our social circles change. We no longer share dinner parties or vacations or holidays with the same people. It’s quite common to feel like we no longer belong. Science confirms what I have seen working with hundreds of clients going through divorce. Some of the deepest pain we experience is when we feel disconnected. Why do we allow ourselves to isolate? My research shows that 85% of people going through divorce isolate themselves from community, family, and friends. They speak of not wanting anyone to know what they are going through because they feel ashamed of being divorced. The resulting experience is that they feel alone and disconnected from possibilities. Clearly understanding the importance of connection post-divorce is essential to breaking this cycle. A decade of scientific research supports my findings that shame is the reason we isolate ourselves and hide what’s really going on. This only prolongs our suffering! What is shame? Brene’ Brown describes it as: The fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? ~Brene’ Brown Brene’ goes on to explain that the underneath shame is a sense of not being good enough. Beneath this surface, she says is an ‘excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.” It’s normal to worry about what people think! Not one person I’ve worked with hasn’t had a sense of fear about what people think about them. But in terms of being happy, it’s wasted energy that is counter-productive to rebuilding a life for yourself after divorce. Understanding why maintaining connections is important after divorce helps find your way back into connection. If you are withholding how you’re really feeling and what is really going on with you, then it’s likely you are experiencing shame. Your sense of worthiness is compromised. When you lack a sense of worthiness of receiving love and belonging, then you will isolate yourself as a protection. But, that will never give you what you really want, which research shows is connection. You must attend to your sense of Worthiness! In over six years of collecting stories, conducting interviews, and heading focus groups, researcher Brene’ Brown discovered that There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it… the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy… the thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection… After a divorce or breakup, our sense of worthiness may be shaken or it may be that a deeper wounding around our worthiness is spotlighted. If there is one thing that I’ve noticed that can change your life faster, it is to develop your sense of worthiness to, not only have love and belonging, but to create a better life for yourself beyond your loss. Let yourself be Courageous! Courage is the one quality that needs to be cultivated when moving on after a divorce so you can experience connection, highlighting why post-divorce connection is crucial. Brence’s research shows that those with a sense of courage are those that have a strong sense of love and belonging. Courage, as Brene’ explains, is “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart [and to have] the compassion to be kind to [yourself] first and then to others [because] we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.” Telling the story of who you are with your whole heart requires you to be vulnerable and honest with others about what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. It requires you to be real and raw. When my clients are vulnerable with me, I make sure they know how beautiful they are in their vulnerability. I also make sure they know how deeply connected I feel to them because of them sharing authentically. How can you create connection? There are numerous things you can do to alleviate your suffering and many of them are going to be directly related to your willingness to be vulnerable and create meaningful connections with people. Here are some suggestions: Share authentically with people about what is going on with you, demonstrating why connection matters after divorce. Tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Don’t worry about being rejected and don’t let perceived rejection stop you or inhibit you. The depth of connection you will make will be worth it. Stop complaining about everything and everyone you’ve lost and get your butt out there and meet new people. Be real with them too! Work with me to develop your sense of worthiness! Share your thoughts and *vulnerable* experience here! One way to connect is to leave a comment. Share from your heart. What are your struggles? What are your hopes and dreams for your future?   Explore Our read more…

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• Breakup Music Playlist: Best Songs to Heal, Cry & Move On

  Music as a self-care practice! Music is an important part of our lives, isn’t it? There are certain songs that take us back to a specific time of our lives, like our teen years, or an event, like our wedding day. Just like a breakup music playlist can help us heal, my ex-brother and sister-in-law got married to the Beatles song, “Will You Still Love Me When I’m 64?” They’re still together. Creating a breakup music playlist can aid in processing emotions during tough times. I should have known where my marriage was headed when my husband asked the mariachis to serenade us with, “El Asesino”, which, in Spanish, means The Murderer (in case you were wondering). Oh, that should have been a red flag that I was creating my breakup music playlist. And today it makes sense that one of my favorite songs to listen to several years into our marriage was Willie Nelson’s Country & Western hit, “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille.” I hadn’t been happy for a long time. Music connects the head and heart! After I left my marriage, I listened to a lot of music that was heart-opening, like “Ra Ma Da Sa” by Snatam Kaur. I was very intentional listening as I engaged in my Kundalini yoga practice. A breakup music playlist often includes songs like these to open the heart and heal. And then I listened incessantly to Michael Franti. I resonated with songs like “Hey World (Don’t give Up),” because I felt like my world was a war zone. It gave me hope and I felt like I was asking the Universe to not give up on me -personally! Oh, and I learned to drum – it was like listening to my own heartbeat that I had lost touch with. A few years later, my lover turned me onto Prog, and the musical bars were raised! Listen to Spock’s Beard’s masterpiece, “The Doorway.” Isn’t it beautiful? Listening to this, can you see how relationships can serve as a catalyst for our evolution? Creating and curating a breakup music playlist can provide a doorway to knowing ourselves more deeply. Music can be irreverent! But, that’s fun! I love empowering music, and one of my favorite singer/songwriters is Storm Large. She’s not for everyone, but she tells it like it is and she says things that most of us would never dare speak out loud. Like this inappropriate song called, “I Want You to Die!” It is appropriate, however, for the angry hurt moments…. She’s a powerhouse who has lived through abuse, neglect, and depression. I love her! And have seen her in concert a couple of times. She has a wide range and is comfortable performing in jeans and a t-shirt or a fancy gown, like when she played Carnegie Hall. I personally think every woman should know Storm. You can check out her racy music, I’ll just share a mild one here that is perfect for getting over someone. The song could fit perfectly on a breakup music playlist. Here’s Storm’s version of “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” Let’s Co-Create a Playlist! Now it’s your turn? Share your EMPOWERMENT music here! What are some fabulous songs, artists, and genres you listen to? Perhaps you have your favorites for building a breakup music playlist?

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