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Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential for everyone healing from childhood sexual abuse. Understanding the importance of boundaries and learning how to set

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June 13, 2024

From Trauma to True Love: Finding Freedom from the Impact of Sexual Abuse, is my podcast inspired by my book, “Freedom from Shame.”

I invite you to join a space dedicated to healing, compassion, and triumphing over trauma. In each episode, our discussions, rooted in the wisdom of my book, create a groundbreaking environment for survivors, allies, mental health advocates, and even those who have caused harm, to navigate the complexities of the healing process. Through candid conversations, expert interviews, and personal narratives, we illuminate the intricacies of childhood trauma and it’s impact on our adult relationships, weaving in the principles of restorative justice to foster understanding, empathy, and constructive dialogue.

From Trauma to True Love is more than just a podcast; it stands as a sanctuary of support, guidance, and hope for those touched by the shadows of this deeply sensitive and impactful issue including individuals on all sides of the healing process. It serves as a beacon, providing a roadmap for resilience and the journey to reclaim one’s life after such profoundly impactful experiences. Join me in this transformative journey toward reclaiming lives together.

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Take a look at my recommended reading list for the best books on personal growth, child behavior, and emotional healing. You can also check out The Freedom Project, a heart-led initiative that’s all about bringing people together to evolve beyond the impact of childhood sexual abuse.

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  • How we interpret the events in our lives determines our experience, often aligning with key principles like the law of choice. How can this be true? Let me give you an example. My mother left when I was a teenager, she left without saying, “Goodbye.” I interpreted her leaving to mean that I was insignificant. I felt as if I didn’t matter and was unworthy of her time and attention. The belief that I created in my own mind, led to a life in which I felt very insignificant. To avoid feeling insignificant I created situations in which I was a key player. I didn’t want to feel those old wounds and so I avoided them like the plague. Unfortunately, I still felt insignificant, and nothing I could do filled the wound. The only thing that shifted my experience was integrating the choice that we have according to the law. Once I stepped out of an automatic negatively created interpretation, I was able to consciously create an empowering interpretation of these painful events. Choosing your interpretations of the events in your life is a very powerful step toward healing your heart. There is no better way to empower yourself than to view the circumstances of your relationship through the perspective of the law of choice. We make hundreds of choices every day. Are they conscious? You make hundreds of choices about how to spend your money, how to turn left or right all day long. You choose what books to read and you choose which shows to watch on television. The amount of choice that is available to you is insurmountable. Life is a matter of choice. Why would it not be true also for your thinking? You decide what to think about what has happened to you—what it means about you. Often, you look outside of yourself for what to believe about yourself and the events of your life. When a relationship ends, you’re faced with a potpourri of choices, all filtered through a love or fear mindset. You can choose to believe that the ending of your relationship is the worst thing that ever happened to you—or the best. I’d like to support you in making a powerful interpretation of the ending of your relationship, one rooted in a love or fear mindset that chooses love. An interpretation that opens the door to a life beyond what you can currently comprehend—a life filled with peace, love, and fulfillment. When you’re faced with a potpourri of thoughts about what a relationship ending means, your interpretation matters. As you choose empowering meanings, you also learn to take responsibility in relationships — owning your part in how you think, respond, and grow — which is one of the most powerful steps toward true healing and connection. Choose your thoughts carefully in line with the law of choice! I love the work of Byron Katie because she is able to zero in on how our thoughts dictate our behavior. We will either choose to think thoughts that limit us or that expand us. We will choose thoughts that empower us or disempower us. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Choice | My Heart Heals.

  • The Law of Responsibility will give you incredible freedom. It may seem counter-intuitive, but truly taking responsibility for yourself begins with recognizing that your choices shape the way your relationship looks and feels. In fact, practicing the law of responsibility helps you realize this more deeply. At the same time, many people point fingers at their ex-partner, claiming it was entirely their fault, while others turn the blame inward. However, here’s one thing we know for sure: if you blame others, you are not taking responsibility for yourself, and you cannot heal or move on while seeing yourself as a victim. What does blame sound like? Internal dialogue running in the background… As you reflect through the lens of the law of responsibility, does this scenario sound familiar? It’s all my fault! I’m such a failure. If only I did it differently. If only I was prettier, nicer, sexier…. Blah, blah, blah…. He ruined my life. She betrayed me and now I’ll never trust again. Blah, blah, blah! Remember, embracing the law of responsibility means letting go of these unhelpful narratives. Blaming does not serve you, and only indicates that you are in a victim mentality. With the laws of acceptance, surrender, and Divine guidance you will understand that taking responsibility is not about blaming…others or yourself. This is a key aspect championed by the law of responsibility. Blaming does not work. It does not change your circumstances and it does not make you feel better or motivate you to make necessary changes. Blaming your ex-partner will not bring you the peace you’re looking for. The Law of Responsibility requires that you end the blame game and take responsibility for what you’ve created. For many, adopting this law is a challenging step, but I can help you take this important step in healing your heart. When you take responsibility, you acknowledge how powerful you are. Be assured that as you take responsibility for what you’ve created, you will not be asked to condone inappropriate behavior or justify abuse. This distinction is at the heart of the law of responsibility. That is NEVER okay! Be honest with yourself! After all, the law of responsibility starts with self-honesty. In this process, I will ask you to be brutally honest and ruthlessly compassionate with yourself. By following this law, you will discover key choice points in your relationship that contributed to the necessity of a heart healing.</p> Many people find that living by the law of responsibility is a powerful turning point in their life, for it is in taking responsibility that you reclaim your ability to consciously create. Take responsibility—this is the foundation that this law stands upon. Laura Silv a is referring to teaching children to take responsibility for their choices. We could learn from her wisdom about the law of responsibility as it applies even to the youngest among us. =”480″ yoastmark=”” />h=”” yoastmark=”” class=”yoast-text-mark” />eigh=”” yoastmark=”” class=”yoast-text-mark” />t=”295″ /> My Heart Heals With The Law of Responsibility | My Heart Heals.

  • This Spiritual Law requires that you surrender to the circumstances of your life as they are. Ultimately, this is the “telling myself the truth” law. This is the way it is, now what? When you are able to surrender to what is, then you open yourself up to tons of possibilities that will change the experience you are having with your life. Surrendering is very different than giving up. When you “give up,” you feel victimized, but when you surrender you become empowered to take different actions than you have in the past. When you “give up,” you feel drained and empty, but when you surrender you are filled with inspiration and become open to a wider view of yourself and the world around you. When you resist what is, whatever you’re resisting consumes your attention and it becomes very difficult to be in the flow of your life. Surrendering opens us up to a greater reality than what we previously thought possible. Dan Millman talks about The Law of Surrender In the first half of this video, Millman teaches this law using some common circumstances we might find ourselves in. The Law of Surrender gives us new ways to be in the world. Millman also teaches an important concept that I work with in my coaching work: “Emotions are the weather patterns of the body.” During the second half of the video, Millman shares a simple way to stay in the present moment. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Surrender | My Heart Heals.

  • The Law of Creation frees you to consciously step out of self-imposed limitations and into the infinite wonder of what is possible for your life. When you have integrated the other six spiritual laws, you will be well on your way to a healed heart and in the perfect position to go for what you desire. Once you have forgiven and broken the painful ties that bind you to the past, you will be in the perfect place to create from clear ground. You deserve to be free from the pain of the past and to live with an open, loving, and trusting heart. It may be hard work for you, but I guarantee you that if you make the commitment to heal your heart, it will be well worth it. Understanding the law of creation can guide you in this process. If you were standing on a blank canvas, what would you create? AN EXERCISE Give yourself a little time to dream. Before you begin this 10-15 minute journaling exercise, clear your mind of all limitations. If you notice doubt or fear creep in, just ask it to sit aside for your journal time. Use the following prompts to imagine what you would create: If your heart were completely healed, what would you be able to have in your life? Consider how the principles of creation law might affect this. What is it that you would be able to do that you haven’t been able to do up to now? Where would you live? work? What new things would you try? A new hobby? Would you take up an activity that you haven’t participated in for years? How might you look at the world differently, in accordance with creation law? If you had the feeling in your heart that you were unstoppable, what actions would you take this week? What old grudges would you drop? What fears would you let go of? If there were no limitations, what would your life look like? Once you’ve written for about 15 minutes, fold the piece of paper up and place it under your pillow. Read it every night for a week. Feel free to add to it or update it as you re-read it. Let the good feelings build in you as you commit to creating what you want for your life, guided by the ideas behind the law of creation. Share with me what you discovered about your desires through embracing the principles of creation law. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Creation | My Heart Heals.

  • Music as a self-care practice! Music is an important part of our lives, isn’t it? There are certain songs that take us back to a specific time of our lives, like our teen years, or an event, like our wedding day. Just like a breakup music playlist can help us heal, my ex-brother and sister-in-law got married to the Beatles song, “Will You Still Love Me When I’m 64?” They’re still together. Creating a breakup music playlist can aid in processing emotions during tough times. I should have known where my marriage was headed when my husband asked the mariachis to serenade us with, “El Asesino”, which, in Spanish, means The Murderer (in case you were wondering). Oh, that should have been a red flag that I was creating my breakup music playlist. And today it makes sense that one of my favorite songs to listen to several years into our marriage was Willie Nelson’s Country & Western hit, “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille.” I hadn’t been happy for a long time. Music connects the head and heart! After I left my marriage, I listened to a lot of music that was heart-opening, like “Ra Ma Da Sa” by Snatam Kaur. I was very intentional listening as I engaged in my Kundalini yoga practice. A breakup music playlist often includes songs like these to open the heart and heal. And then I listened incessantly to Michael Franti. I resonated with songs like “Hey World (Don’t give Up),” because I felt like my world was a war zone. It gave me hope and I felt like I was asking the Universe to not give up on me -personally! Oh, and I learned to drum – it was like listening to my own heartbeat that I had lost touch with. A few years later, my lover turned me onto Prog, and the musical bars were raised! Listen to Spock’s Beard’s masterpiece, “The Doorway.” Isn’t it beautiful? Listening to this, can you see how relationships can serve as a catalyst for our evolution? Creating and curating a breakup music playlist can provide a doorway to knowing ourselves more deeply. Music can be irreverent! But, that’s fun! I love empowering music, and one of my favorite singer/songwriters is Storm Large. She’s not for everyone, but she tells it like it is and she says things that most of us would never dare speak out loud. Like this inappropriate song called, “I Want You to Die!” It is appropriate, however, for the angry hurt moments…. She’s a powerhouse who has lived through abuse, neglect, and depression. I love her! And have seen her in concert a couple of times. She has a wide range and is comfortable performing in jeans and a t-shirt or a fancy gown, like when she played Carnegie Hall. I personally think every woman should know Storm. You can check out her racy music, I’ll just share a mild one here that is perfect for getting over someone. The song could fit perfectly on a breakup music playlist. Here’s Storm’s version of “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” Let’s Co-Create a Playlist! Now it’s your turn? Share your EMPOWERMENT music here! What are some fabulous songs, artists, and genres you listen to? Perhaps you have your favorites for building a breakup music playlist?

Leila Reyes

Author | Speaker | Relationship Coach

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