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  • Setting a boundary! In the many years I’ve worked with people who are going through a traumatic relationship breakup, I’ve discovered that everyone has an inner critic. Sometimes the critic can be helpful, but all too often it’s a destructive force that needs putting in its place. Just like a samurai confronts challenges with discipline and precision, we must address the inner critic in the same way a samurai would tackle it. An out-of-control critic leads to depression! If you let your inner critic have its way, it will eat you alive. The critic can be relentless in blaming you for your breakup. You can recognize an out-of-control critic if you hear messages like these running through your head: If only you had….. It’s all your fault! You’re so _____ or too ______! The out-of-control critic will beat you down telling you that you’re not enough, not good enough, too much, or too little. Letting thoughts of the samurai and the inner critic go on and on will eventually lead to depression. It’s common to examine what went wrong when you’re faced with a breakup, but if you’re wallowing in self-pity and helplessness, you’re doing yourself no good. You can take some time to be sad – that’s totally okay. You should take time to evaluate, assess, and examine, but if you find yourself engaging in this behavior from a disempowered place, you’re likely to only create more suffering for yourself. Without limits and boundaries, the voice of your critic will only get stronger until you feel like you are worthless and there is no hope for your future. You can stop the downward spiral before it takes you down by taking out your sword! Just as a samurai would, confront the critic decisively, much like a samurai facing the inner critic. Off with its head! I discovered this very effective exercise when I was in the depths of despair myself. It’s the only thing that worked to get me out of the depression I found myself in, and it’s helped countless numbers of my clients as well. It works, but only if you are willing to set this very strong boundary with your critic. Here’s what I recommend: Draw a large circle on a piece of paper. On the inside of the circle, write all the things you will allow into your presence. Include things like kindness, love, and care. On the outside of the circle write all the things that you will not allow into your world. Include things like judgment, meanness, blame. Now draw an imaginary circle around yourself and say this out loud to your inner critic: These are the things I will allow in my inner circle (list them). If you are (insert the qualities you expect from your critic), then you are welcome here. If you are (insert the qualities that you no longer allowing into your world), then you are not welcome. Show your inner-critic your sword and let it know that you will cut its head off if it doesn’t respect your boundaries. The moment your critic crosses your boundary, chop its head off! Act decisively against your critic just as the samurai story teaches. You teach people, and your critic, how to treat you Some people have a very difficult time being ruthless with their inner-critic because they don’t want to be mean. But, if your critic has abused you, then the only way you’re going to get it to stop is to make it stop! Don’t worry about hurting your inner critic, it’s not concerned about your well-being. Mine grew a head back every 15 seconds for three months, but today it keeps a healthy distance from me and is very kind. Its head is now the size of a golf ball and it speaks in a high squeaky voice that is difficult to take seriously. And, my critic is just fine. It has the power to deliver messages in an empowered and respectful manner, and if it doesn’t then it knows the consequences, as would the samurai dealing with the inner critic. Divorce Recovery is expedited through clear boundaries and expert support One of the most powerful things you can do to expedite your divorce recovery is to set clear boundaries with what goes on inside your mind. Instead of an uncaring inner-critic, you will need a strong inner-compassion guru. A part of you that will be kind and gentle with you and help you through this difficult time. Schedule some time with me today to explore what kind of divorce recovery support you need to move you powerfully into your new life in empowered and emotionally healthy ways. A study of Spiritual Divorce is starting soon and has helped many people infuse their life with hope and possibility.

  • Protecting your heart is a normal & natural thing to do! But it won’t get you what you want. One of the first things to happen when you go through a breakup or divorce is: you hurt like a #($*%. The pain can cut through you like a hot knife leaving you gasping for air. The normal human reaction to pain is to protect yourself. But unconscious protecting of your heart will leave you feeling alone and miserable. At its worst, it will deaden your spirit. As a result, you may feel disconnected from the very things you most want: love, partnership, connection, to not be alone. It’s very common to commit to never loving again because of how deeply you’ve been hurt. Here are 3 essential divorce care tips designed to protect your heart and keep it open. These tips act as crucial divorce care tips to protect your heart during the healing journey. Building resilience after setback helps you face these challenges with inner strength, regain trust in yourself, and navigate the healing process with clarity and self‑compassion. Step 1 -Stop Pointing your Finger! Protections like anger, blame, and resentment, are a few of the walls we erect to protect our hearts. We think these protections keep us safe, but they don’t really work. We mistakenly think that someone has to be responsible for what went wrong. As a result, we either blame the other person or we beat ourselves up without mercy. During this time, consider some proven divorce care tips to protect your heart. Doing so can reduce resentment and self-blame. What’s really happening if you’re blaming your ex for the pain you’re in is that you’re unconsciously directing responsibility for the breakup away from yourself. If they did something that was really awful, then it’s easy to point your finger and say, “It’s all your fault!” It’s no different than self-blame, except that you’re unconsciously taking all the responsibility. If you’re a self-blamer, then you’re saying things like, “If only I did _____ differently,” or “If only I was better at______.” Either way, the first step is to cease and desist all blame – inbound or outbound. What if it didn’t really matter whose fault it was? What if you could take responsibility for your part without blame? What if you didn’t take responsibility for the parts that aren’t yours-without pointing your finger? The result will be a conscious awareness of what you and your ex co-created – together! Your breakup wouldn’t be happening if only one of you was in the relationship. While it may still be painful to look at your breakup in this way, you must take responsibility without blame if you want to protect your heart. Then you can keep it open for future love. Learn more about Spiritual Divorce ™ and the Law of Responsibility. Step 2 – Be Ruthlessly Compassionate! You can’t keep your heart open and protect it without a huge dose of compassion as you look at yourself and your part of the breakup. You may be tempted to circle back to the blame. Instead, take a breath and tell yourself that you’re okay and you did the best you could at the time. Be firm with yourself and don’t go into beating yourself up. If you do have an over-powering inner-critic, send him or her away for a vacation – they need a break! You will need to be able to be gentle with yourself as you notice your relationship patterns. It’s also worth mentioning that divorce care tips for protecting your heart must always incorporate compassion for full recovery. Step 3 – Identify Your Red Flags! The information you discover from taking responsibility without blame will likely illuminate the choices you made that led to your breakup. If you’re completely honest with yourself, you will likely notice that you avoided something that you shouldn’t have avoided by sweeping it under the carpet. Maybe you didn’t speak up or you ignored signs of cheating, maybe you weren’t really happy but stayed for the kids. Give yourself permission to find your red flags, because they are your gold mine. Your red flags are what you will use to keep your heart open and safe at the same time. By addressing red flags as they come up, you will build a trusting relationship with yourself. As a result, you can count on yourself to make conscious relationship choices. In summary, as you continue healing, implement carefully chosen divorce care tips. These will help protect your heart at each step. Need Support and divorce care? Learn the 7 Spiritual Laws in an 8-week Study & Support Group If you just haven’t been able to get through your pain, then I’d like to invite you to join me in a study of Debbie Ford’s Spiritual Divorce and get divorce care and support in our interactive online group. For extra help, remember that strategies such as divorce care tips to protect your heart are available and effective. Use the above link to get more information or email me to sign up for the 8-week support group starting soon. You’re going to be okay!

  • The first spiritual law states “everything is as it should be.” This concept aligns with the law of acceptance, which encourages embracing life as it is, as part of the larger theme of understanding the law of acceptance. It’s not easy to embrace this law when your spouse just lied to you about your financial situation, cheated on you with your best friend, or is threatening you with divorce. Nor is it easy to embrace this law when your heart is broken and you are in the most intense pain wishing to not have the experience you’re having and for your life to be different. This is where the law of acceptance can be challenging yet transformative. There’s an old Sufi story about a farmer and his son. Have you heard it? The farmer heads out to feed his animals and his prized horse is dead. As soon as the village learned of this tragedy, they came to express their condolences. The farmer heard the same message throughout the day: “What a terrible thing to have happen to you. This is the worst thing that could happen.” The farmer repeated what became a mantra to the well-wishers: “Perhaps…. perhaps…” The following week, while the farmer was working the land, his eldest son runs to tell him that he just captured a herd of wild horses. This time the villagers were excited for the farmer and came to congratulate him on his good fortune. It reflects moments in life where accepting events as they unfold can align with the principles of the law of acceptance. “You are so lucky! Look at the blessing that has been bestowed upon you. An entire herd of horses! You rock!” Interestingly, the farmer’s reply was the same as before, “Perhaps…” A few days later he sent his son to tame the wild horses. In the process, the farmer’s son was thrown to the ground and his leg was broken, reiterating how the acceptance of life’s uncertainties plays into understanding the law of acceptance. You know the villagers were pretty tight back then, so they all heard of the tragedy. Once again the villagers came to check on the boy and to inform the farmer of what bad luck he was having. The farmer’s reply once again was, “Perhaps… perhaps.” The farmer’s son was still bedridden several weeks later when the emperor sent his messengers to round up all the boys who could fight in a local battle. Of course, they passed the boy right on by when the messengers saw how injured he was. A few weeks later, the neighbors, who lost their sons in the battle, again come by the farmer’s home and say, “You’re so lucky to have your son home with you.” And do you know what the farmer said? You’re right, “Perhaps… perhaps.” Acceptance: It may be the last thing you want to do, yet it is central to having a life guided by the principles of the law of acceptance. Usually, when we’re in the middle of a crisis, our first thought tends to be something like this: It shouldn’t be like this. Why is this happening to me? The Law of Acceptance teaches us that our lives are always evolving whether we know it or not and invites us to remember that what may appear to be a tragedy, maybe in reality leading us to the fulfillment of our dreams. When you are living this law you will be heading toward a trusting relationship with the Divine. You will trust on an intuitive level that the changes that are taking place in your life are ultimately for your highest good – even when you are hurting. The Law of Acceptance is the first step toward healing your broken heart. As you embrace The Law of Acceptance, you will open yourself up to reinventing yourself and creating the life that you most desire, embodying the principles of the law of acceptance. RESOURCES: exercise, book, and a video. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford The Right Questions by Debbie Ford Byron Katie — Is it true? In this powerful video, Byron Katie highlights a story about a woman who doesn’t even know what she wants. After asking a few important questions, she discovers that she doesn’t even want her husband back. Insights from the law of acceptance can help one uncover such truths. Can you imagine the freedom you can have from discovering what you really want?

  • Fixing a relationship is much easier when you commit to these three things. These are essential tips for saving a relationship. Most people come to me for one of three reasons. They either want to move on after the ending of a relationship, they want to prepare themselves for a new relationship, or they seek advice and tips for saving a relationship they’re in. The steps are the same for all three circumstances, they’re just applied differently. Today, we’re going to focus on how to fix a relationship with some practical tips anyone can use for saving a relationship. Your relationship didn’t get “broken” overnight, right? Most relationships need fixing because of a long series of choices that span many months or years. hat’s important to know about this is that you’ll need to take responsibility in relationships — acknowledging your part in what happened and choosing actions that move you toward healing — because consciously choosing your actions gives you the power to change your circumstances.. This should give you hope, because consciously choosing your actions gives you the power to change your circumstances. That’s what you want, right? Effective strategies and tips for saving a relationship emphasize gradual change. READ MORE over at Your Tango   Here are three evidence-based and emotionally supportive ideas to help you strengthen your connection and restore intimacy; all of these work as valuable tips for saving a relationship. 1. Communicate with Clarity, Not Assumption Many relationship struggles begin not with what we say, but how we listen. Commit to clear, compassionate communication rather than guessing or reacting emotionally. That means: communication is one of the actionable tips for saving a relationship when things feel hard. Speak from the heart, not out of frustration. Use “I” statements (e.g., “I feel hurt when…”), so your partner doesn’t feel attacked. Avoid blaming language and instead invite conversation. When conflict arises, pause first — a cooling-off period can prevent escalation. Why it matters: Skilled communication builds emotional safety and helps resolve conflicts before resentment grows. 2. Reconnect Regularly — Intentionally Even happy couples can lose connection when life gets busy. Rebuilding your relationship means creating uninterrupted time together. Try working together on new habits or activities, as regular reconnection is among the most effective approaches and tips for saving a relationship from drifting apart. A weekly relationship check-in to talk about how you’re both feeling. Scheduling shared experiences — even small ones like a walk or simple dinner together. Celebrating little moments of gratitude and appreciation for one another. Being present and grateful for each other — not just going through the motions — reinforces emotional bonding and reduces distance in your connection. In fact, these simple actions are powerful tips for saving a relationship you value. 3. Understand and Meet Each Other’s Needs Healthy relationships aren’t about perfection, they’re about understanding and compromise. This means: Applying practical tips for saving a relationship involves listening, empathy, and mutual support at every step. Really listening when your partner shares a need. Being open about your own emotional, physical, or practical needs. Respecting each other’s boundaries. Practicing compromise — not giving up your self-worth, but finding a shared path forward. Why it works: When both partners feel heard and valued, mutual trust grows and the relationship feels more supportive and fulfilling. Learning how to balance needs and expectations is an important part of tips for saving a relationship you care deeply about. 💡 Extra Insight: What Experts Say Relationship counselors often emphasize that saving a partnership isn’t just about fixing problems — it’s about renewing connection and rediscovering your bond. Activities like regular check-ins, active listening, and spending quality time together can significantly improve emotional intimacy and reduce conflict long-term. In summary, combining expert guidance with practical tips for saving a relationship greatly increases your chances for long-term success. ❤️ Final Thought Fixing a relationship takes shared effort, honesty, and emotional courage — but it is possible. These three steps — communicate clearly, reconnect intentionally, and understand each other’s needs — are foundational actions that can start you on a deeper path of healing and connection. Put these tips for saving a relationship into practice, and your partnership will be stronger for it.

  • The Law of Creation frees you to consciously step out of self-imposed limitations and into the infinite wonder of what is possible for your life. When you have integrated the other six spiritual laws, you will be well on your way to a healed heart and in the perfect position to go for what you desire. Once you have forgiven and broken the painful ties that bind you to the past, you will be in the perfect place to create from clear ground. You deserve to be free from the pain of the past and to live with an open, loving, and trusting heart. It may be hard work for you, but I guarantee you that if you make the commitment to heal your heart, it will be well worth it. Understanding the law of creation can guide you in this process. If you were standing on a blank canvas, what would you create? AN EXERCISE Give yourself a little time to dream. Before you begin this 10-15 minute journaling exercise, clear your mind of all limitations. If you notice doubt or fear creep in, just ask it to sit aside for your journal time. Use the following prompts to imagine what you would create: If your heart were completely healed, what would you be able to have in your life? Consider how the principles of creation law might affect this. What is it that you would be able to do that you haven’t been able to do up to now? Where would you live? work? What new things would you try? A new hobby? Would you take up an activity that you haven’t participated in for years? How might you look at the world differently, in accordance with creation law? If you had the feeling in your heart that you were unstoppable, what actions would you take this week? What old grudges would you drop? What fears would you let go of? If there were no limitations, what would your life look like? Once you’ve written for about 15 minutes, fold the piece of paper up and place it under your pillow. Read it every night for a week. Feel free to add to it or update it as you re-read it. Let the good feelings build in you as you commit to creating what you want for your life, guided by the ideas behind the law of creation. Share with me what you discovered about your desires through embracing the principles of creation law. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Creation | My Heart Heals.

Leila Reyes

Author | Speaker | Relationship Coach

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