What Is Post-Traumatic Growth?
Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) is a concept developed by psychologists Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun. It refers to the positive psychological changes that some people experience after surviving trauma, including post-traumatic growth after childhood sexual abuse. These aren’t quick fixes or silver linings—they’re hard-won shifts that arise from deep inner work.
Some of the signs of PTG include:
- A deeper appreciation for life
- More authentic and fulfilling relationships
- Increased inner strength
- A sense of purpose or spirituality
- A redefined view of what really matters
But let’s be clear: PTG doesn’t mean the trauma is “over” or that pain no longer exists. Growth can—and often does—happen right alongside grief, rage, confusion, and sorrow. It’s not about bypassing the hard stuff. It’s about choosing to grow within and beyond it.
How My Journey Began
When I first began my healing journey, I wasn’t aiming for growth. I just wanted the pain to stop. Like many survivors, I wanted to stop attracting people who couldn’t truly love me. I wanted to stop shrinking, doubting myself, and replaying patterns that kept me stuck.
As I engaged with therapists and coaches, read every book I could find, and slowly started peeling back the layers, something began to shift. I didn’t just want to feel better—I wanted to feel free.
That was the turning point. I realized the abuse didn’t get to decide who I was or how my story would end.
The Research That Changed Everything
One study that deeply resonated with me was conducted by Hartley et al. in 2016. It focused on six women who had experienced childhood sexual abuse and later self-identified as having grown through the trauma.
Here’s what the research uncovered:
Key Themes:
- Growth is not linear. These women still carried pain, but they also experienced transformation. The trauma hadn’t disappeared—it had evolved into something meaningful.
- Identity matters. Survivors moved from “I’m broken” to “I’m strong because I survived.” They found ways to reclaim their stories through spirituality, creativity, or advocacy.
- Relationships play a role. For many, healing was supported by safe connections, or by intentionally breaking cycles in their families.
- They became helpers. Many took on roles as therapists, coaches, or advocates—not to relive their trauma, but to use it as fuel for good. The study called this the “wounded healer” effect.
You can read the full article here:
From Victimhood to Victory
One of the hardest truths I’ve had to embrace is this: even though what happened to me wasn’t my fault, my healing is my responsibility.
It’s a powerful, sobering shift—moving from “why did this happen to me?” to “what will I do with this now?” That moment of choosing to take your power back is when post-traumatic growth begins.
This doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine. It doesn’t mean we don’t have scars. It means we no longer let those scars dictate our worth, our relationships, or our future.
What Post-Traumatic Growth Can Look Like
Every survivor’s growth will look different, but here are some signs that you’re stepping into it:
- You start setting boundaries without guilt.
- You stop chasing people who can’t meet you.
- You begin honoring your needs and desires.
- You speak your truth—even when it’s hard.
- You live from the belief that you matter.
It may not happen all at once. In fact, it rarely does. But each small choice to show up differently builds a life rooted in self-trust and inner freedom.
If this resonates, trauma informed coaching can help you feel safe in love again.
How It Changed Me
For a long time, I believed I didn’t matter. It showed up in the way I treated myself—and in the way I let others treat me. Even when people showed me love, I didn’t trust it. I questioned their motives.
Growth began with a question: “What if I do matter?”
That question led me to new choices. I started treating myself with more kindness, stopped waiting for someone to rescue me and started rescuing myself. I learned to trust my own voice and honor my own needs.
Part of this transformation is learning to take responsibility in relationships — not by blaming yourself, but by noticing old patterns, owning your choices, and shifting how you show up with others so your connections reflect your strength and growth.
Eventually, that journey led me here—to writing a book (Freedom from Shame), launching this podcast, and supporting other survivors who are ready to reclaim their lives.
But let me be clear: I’m still on this path. I’m still learning. That’s the beauty of it. Growth is a lifelong relationship with yourself.
If You’re Ready to Take the Next Step…
If something stirred in you while reading this, I want you to know: it’s not too late. You’re not too damaged. You’re not too far behind.
You are already growing—just by being curious about what’s possible.
Here are a few ways you can continue this journey:
- Get the book:
Freedom from Shame: Trauma, Forgiveness, and Healing from Sexual Abuse
Available on Amazon or through your local bookstore. - Work with me:
If you’re ready to be supported by someone who’s walked this path and speaks the truth with compassion, visit my website: LeilaReyes.com
Let’s Reflect Together
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to explore your own post-traumatic growth:
- What have I learned or gained because of what I’ve lived through?
- What is one truth I’m ready to tell myself today?
- If I stopped believing I was broken, what would I do differently?
Final Thoughts
You are not what happened to you. You are who you choose to become.
Sometimes, growth doesn’t roar. Sometimes, it’s the quiet choice to wake up and say:
“Today, I’m choosing differently.”
If this post touched something in you, share it with someone who needs it. Leave a comment. Let me know what landed.
You’re not alone—and you never were.
