Leila's Blog

The Law of Acceptance

The first spiritual law states “everything is as it should be.” It's not easy to embrace this law when your spouse just lied to you about your financial situation, cheated on you with your best friend, or is threatening you with divorce.…

Breakups, Relationships

The Law of Surrender

This Spiritual Law requires that you surrender to the circumstances of your life as they are. Ultimately, this is the “telling myself the truth” law. This is the way it is, now what? When you are able to surrender to what is, then you…

Breakups, Relationships

The Law of Divine Guidance

The Law of Divine Guidance says that you can trust the flow of your life. Whatever religion you practice will be honored and respected. I'll support you in using whatever Divine Guidance you choose to help you find your own answers. Learning…

Breakups, Relationships

The Law of Responsibility

The Law of Responsibility will give you incredible freedom. This is counter-intuitive, but taking responsibility for yourself starts with acknowledging that the way your relationship looks and feels is the result of your choices. Many people…

Breakups, Relationships

The Law of Choice

How we interpret the events in our lives determines our experience. How can this be true? Let me give you an example. My mother left when I was a teenager. She left without saying, “Goodbye.” I interpreted her leaving to mean that I was…

Breakups, Relationships

The Law of Forgiveness

On Self-growth.com, Amanda Butler discusses this universal law in detail. The most powerful reason to forgive is for your own freedom. I’ve often heard Debbie Ford say, “forgiveness takes place in your heart, not your mind,” and it’s…

Breakups, Relationships

The Law of Creation

The Law of Creation frees you to consciously step out of self-imposed limitations and into the infinite wonder of what is possible for your life. When you have integrated the other six spiritual laws, you will be well on your way to a healed…

Breakups, Relationships

How Divorce and Global Warming are Connected

I was talking with one of my clients in an off-scheduled call during my morning yoga routine. She was distraught with emotion and we started making the analogy of how divorce can be described through weather patterns. We have EARTHQUAKES!…

Breakups, Relationships

Science proves we are hardwired for this

What does the Research Show? Over a decade of research confirms two of my 7-key practices as necessary for living a happy and fulfilling life after divorce. This TedTalk by Brene’ Brown should be watched often to remind you that you…

Breakups, Relationships

3 Ways to Expand Your Perception and Create Happiness After Divorce

After Divorce, You need to think differently! The only way you’re going to have an experience after your divorce that is different than pain, is if you let yourself think differently about your circumstances. You can look at all the drama…

Archives

Science proves we are hardwired for this

What does the Research Show? Over a decade of research confirms two of my 7-key practices as necessary for living a happy and fulfilling life after divorce. This TedTalk by Brene’ Brown should be watched often to remind you that you are in control of the quality of your experience in life, even as your life seems to be unraveling completely out of control. Implement these practices from my PDF Report and you will shorten your healing process – guaranteed! Why is Divorce so Painful? Science has shown that we are neurobiologically wired for CONNECTION. When we experience a divorce, so many connections are severed. We no longer have a partner to sleep next to or share the successes and challenges our daily life brings. The connections we have in our social circles change. We no longer share dinner parties or vacations or holidays with the same people and it’s quite common to feel like we no longer belong. Science confirms what I have seen working with hundreds of clients going through divorce, that some of the deepest pain we experience is when we feel disconnected. Why do we allow ourselves to isolate? My research shows that 85% of people going through divorce isolate themselves from community, family, and friends. They speak of not wanting anyone to know what they are going through because they feel ashamed of being divorced. The resulting experience is that they feel alone and disconnected from possibilities. A decade of scientific research supports my findings that shame is the reason we isolate ourselves and hide what’s really going on. This only prolongs our suffering! What is shame? Brene’ Brown describes it as: The fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? ~Brene’ Brown Brene’ goes on to explain that the underneath shame is a sense of not being good enough. Beneath this surface, she says is an ‘excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.” It’s normal to worry about what people think! Not one person I’ve worked with hasn’t had a sense of fear about what people think about them, but in terms of being happy, it’s wasted energy that is counter-productive to rebuilding a life for yourself after divorce and finding your way back into connection. If you are withholding how you’re really feeling and what is really going on with you, then it’s likely you are experiencing shame. Your sense of worthiness is compromised and when you lack a sense of worthiness of receiving love and belonging, then you will isolate yourself as a protection. But, that will never give you what you really want, which research shows is connection. You must attend to your sense of Worthiness! In over six years of collecting stories, conducting interviews, and heading focus groups, researcher Brene’ Brown discovered that There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it… the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy… the thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection… After a divorce or breakup, our sense of worthiness may be shaken or it may be that a deeper wounding around our worthiness is spotlighted. It there is one thing that I’ve noticed can change your life faster is to develop your sense of worthiness to, not only have love and belonging, but to create a better life for yourself beyond your loss. Let yourself be Courageous! Courage is the one quality that needs to be cultivated when moving on after a divorce so you can experience connection. Brence’s research shows that those with a sense of courage are those that have a strong sense of love and belonging. Courage, as Brene’ explains is “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart [and to have] the compassion to be kind to [yourself] first and then to others [because] we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.” Telling the story of who are are with your whole heart requires you to be vulnerable and honest with others about what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. It requires you to be real and raw. When my clients are vulnerable with me, I make sure they know how beautiful they are in their vulnerability and how deeply connected I feel to them because of them sharing authentically. How can you create connection? There are numerous things you can do to alleviate your suffering and many of them are going to be directly related to your willingness to be vulnerable and create meaningful connections with people. Here are some suggestions: Share authentically with people about what is going on with you. Tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Don’t worry about being rejected and don’t let perceived rejection stop you or inhibit you. The depth of connection you will make will be worth it. Stop complaining about everything and everyone you’ve lost and get your butt out there and meet new people. Be real with them too! Work with me to develop your sense of worthiness! Share your thoughts and *vulnerable* experience here! One way to connect is to leave a comment. Share from your heart. What are your struggles? What are your hopes and dreams for your future? Explore Our Website Check out our recommended reading section for top picks on personal growth, child behaviour, and emotional healing. You can also check out The Freedom Project, a heart-led initiative that’s all about bringing people together to evolve beyond the impact of childhood sexual abuse.
read more...
The Law of Creation

The Law of Creation frees you to consciously step out of self-imposed limitations and into the infinite wonder of what is possible for your life. When you have integrated the other six spiritual laws, you will be well on your way to a healed heart and in the perfect position to go for what you desire. Once you have forgiven and broken the painful ties that bind you to the past, you will be in the perfect place to create from clear ground. You deserve to be free from the pain of the past and to live with an open, loving, and trusting heart. It may be hard work for you, but I guarantee you that if you make the commitment to heal your heart, it will be well worth it. If you were standing on a blank canvas, what would you create? AN EXERCISE Give yourself a little time to dream. Before you begin this 10-15 minute journaling exercise, clear your mind of all limitations. If you notice doubt or fear creep in, just ask it to sit aside for your journal time. Use the following prompts to imagine what you would create: If your heart were completely healed, what would you be able to have in your life? What is it that you would be able to do that you haven’t been able to do up to now? Where would you live? work? What new things would you try? A new hobby? Would you take up an activity that you haven’t participated in for years? How might you look at the world differently? If you had the feeling in your heart that you were unstoppable, what actions would you take this week? What old grudges would you drop? What fears would you let go of? If there were no limitations, what would your life look like? Once you’ve written for about 15 minutes, fold the piece of paper up and place it under your pillow. Read it every night for a week. Feel free to add to it or update it as you re-read it. Let the good feelings build in you as you commit to creating what you want for your life. Share with me what you discovered about your desires. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Creation | My Heart Heals.
read more...
The Law of Choice

How we interpret the events in our lives determines our experience. How can this be true? Let me give you an example. My mother left when I was a teenager. She left without saying, “Goodbye.” I interpreted her leaving to mean that I was insignificant. I felt as if I didn’t matter and was unworthy of her time and attention. The belief that I created in my own mind, led to a life in which I felt very insignificant. To avoid feeling insignificant I created situations in which I was a key player. I didn’t want to feel those old wounds and so I avoided them like the plague. Unfortunately, I still felt insignificant, and nothing I could do filled the wound. The only thing that shifted my experience was integrating The Law of Choice. Once I stepped out of an automatic negatively created interpretation, I was able to consciously create an empowering interpretation of these painful events. Choosing your interpretations of the events in your life is a very powerful step toward healing your heart. There is no better way to empower yourself than to view the circumstances of your relationship from The Law of Choice. We make hundreds of choices every day. Are they conscious? You make hundreds of choices about how to spend your money. You make choices to turn left or right all day long. You choose what books to read and you choose which shows to watch on television. The amount of choice that is available to you is insurmountable. Life is a matter of choice. Why would it not be true also for your thinking? You decide what to think about what has happened to you–what it means about you. Often you look outside of yourself for what to believe about yourself and the events of your life. With the ending of a relationship, you will find yourself with a potpourri of options. You can choose to think that the ending of your relationship is the worst thing that ever happened or the best. I’d like to support you in making a powerful interpretation of the ending of your relationship. An interpretation that opens the door to a life beyond what you can currently comprehend. A life filled with peace and love and fulfillment. Choose your thoughts! I love the work of Byron Katie because she is able to zero in on how our thoughts dictate our behavior. We will either choose to think thoughts that limit us or that expand us. We will choose thoughts that empower us or disempower us. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Choice | My Heart Heals.
read more...
Resentment or Righteous Anger: How to Know the Difference

Difficult Emotions when you move on after divorce Who hasn’t gone through a breakup and felt angry, marginalized, or powerless? Divorce can often act as a catalyst for regaining lost power, but difficult and confusion emotions can complicate the process. As conscious as we want to consider ourselves, it is actually quite common to fall into the trap of trying to regain our power through manipulation and control. You need to know where you stand, in yourself, to be able to wield your anger in constructive and empowered ways. The First Step is Knowing the Difference between resentment and righteous anger! When your anger is a result of resentment, then you can be sure that you feel unsettled inside, but when your anger is the result of taking a stand, then you will experience a sense of calm – even when you might not get what you want! Here are some ways to recognize the difference: RESENTMENT Resentment is a result of not taking care of yourself, and expecting others to give you what you want even though you haven’t directly asked for it. Feelings of resentment are common in a breakup because they build over time. In the beginning, you might have an expectation that your partner will say or do something and when they don’t live up to your expectation, then you feel let down or a little angry. Burying the little feeling is like planting a seed that eventually turns into a garden of resentment. Over time, you will discover little ‘volunteer’ plants of resentment where you didn’t expect them.When you feel resentment, you will have an experience of wanting to get back at your partner (or ex), to hurt them in some way, or “make them pay” for what they’ve done (or not done). Once you’ve made it to the point of divorce, it’s much more difficult to pull the weeds of resentment, but you can do it. I’m not here to say it’s an easy task, but I guarantee you that the work you do around releasing your resentment will help you regain your power and leave you feeling the peace of mind you so desperately want to experience. RIGHTEOUS ANGER Righteous anger is different than the anger that comes from resentment, because you’re putting your stake in the ground and letting others know what your boundary is. The way to express righteous anger is to know yourself deeply and know where you stand, so you recognize when a boundary has been crossed. Regaining your power after divorce or breakup is sacred work and in the process you will discover that many of the choices you made did not serve you. In this recognition you can stop blaming your ex and start giving yourself what you need. You’re not always going to get what you want. You may have to fight for your rights, and as you stand up for yourself from an empowered, matter-of-fact knowing, then you will be able to release your resentments gradually and naturally. It’s not about “Right” and “Wrong” We tend to look at things from our own perspectives, so don’t get caught up in believing that your righteous anger is about you being right and your partner being wrong. There is no right and wrong thinking that will bring you peace. EVER! In the knowing of who you are, you can make decisions that are ‘right’ for you and you may take other people into consideration when making your choices. What you must know is the difference between the actions you take that are from resentment or righteous anger so you don’t make a bigger mess of things, because divorce and breakups are messy. Some suggestions: As you move on after divorce or breakup, it is important to own your feelings! Know yourself and the pain you’re in and take responsibility for your part of the co-creation of your current circumstances. Don’t blame anyone else for not getting what you want. Instead vision the life you want and make choices that lead you toward peace and happiness. Set and maintain clear boundaries with yourself and others, and above all else: Take care of yourself as if you were one of the top 3 most important people in your life. COMMENTS Please! (I’ll respond!) Leave your comments below, by answering one of the following inquiries: What are your top resentments are and your struggles for releasing them as you move on after divorce or breakup? Describe what you’re doing to hold on to or let go of your resentments. What stand do you need to take? How will you commit to taking really good care of yourself this week?
read more...
The Law of Acceptance

The first spiritual law states “everything is as it should be.” It’s not easy to embrace this law when your spouse just lied to you about your financial situation, cheated on you with your best friend, or is threatening you with divorce. Nor is it easy to embrace this law when your heart is broken and you are in the most intense pain wishing to not have the experience you’re having and for your life to be different. There’s an old Sufi story about a farmer and his son. Have you heard it? The farmer heads out to feed his animals and his prized horse is dead. As soon as the village learned of this tragedy, they came to express their condolences. The farmer heard the same message throughout the day: “What a terrible thing to have happen to you. This is the worst thing that could happen.” The farmer repeated what became a mantra to the well-wishers: “Perhaps…. perhaps…” The following week, while the farmer was working the land, his eldest son runs to tell him that he just captured a herd of wild horses. This time the villagers were excited for the farmer and came to congratulate him on his good fortune. “You are so lucky! Look at the blessing that has been bestowed upon you. An entire herd of horses! You rock!” Interestingly, the farmer’s reply was the same as before, “Perhaps…” A few days later he sent his son to tame the wild horses. In the process, the farmer’s son was thrown to the ground and his leg was broken. You know the villagers were pretty tight back then, so they all heard of the tragedy. Once again the villagers came to check on the boy and to inform the farmer of what bad luck he was having. The farmer’s reply once again was, “Perhaps… perhaps.” The farmer’s son was still bedridden several weeks later when the emperor sent his messengers to round up all the boys who could fight in a local battle. Of course, they passed the boy right on by when the messengers saw how injured he was. A few weeks later, the neighbors, who lost their sons in the battle, again come by the farmer’s home and say, “You’re so lucky to have your son home with you.” And do you know what the farmer said? You’re right, “Perhaps… perhaps.” Acceptance: It may be the last thing you want to do. Usually, when we’re in the middle of a crisis, our first thought tends to be something like this: It shouldn’t be like this. Why is this happening to me? The Law of Acceptance teaches us that our lives are always evolving whether we know it or not and invites us to remember that what may appear to be a tragedy, maybe in reality leading us to the fulfillment of our dreams. When you are living this law you will be heading toward a trusting relationship with the Divine. You will trust on an intuitive level that the changes that are taking place in your life are ultimately for your highest good – even when you are hurting. The Law of Acceptance is the first step toward healing your broken heart. As you embrace The Law of Acceptance, you will open yourself up to reinventing yourself and creating the life that you most desire. RESOURCES: exercise, book, and a video. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford The Right Questions by Debbie Ford Byron Katie — Is it true? In this powerful video, Byron Katie highlights a story about a woman who doesn’t even know what she wants. After asking a few important questions, she discovers that she doesn’t even want her husband back. Can you imagine the freedom you can have from discovering what you really want?
read more...

Categories