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• Science proves we are hardwired for this

  What does the Research Show? Over a decade of research confirms two of my 7-key practices as necessary for living a happy and fulfilling life after divorce. This TedTalk by Brene’ Brown should be watched often to remind you that you are in control of the quality of your experience in life, even as your life seems to be unraveling completely out of control. Implement these practices from my PDF Report and you will shorten your healing process – guaranteed! Why is Divorce so Painful? Science has shown that we are neurobiologically wired for CONNECTION. When we experience a divorce, so many connections are severed. We no longer have a partner to sleep next to or share the successes and challenges our daily life brings. The connections we have in our social circles change. We no longer share dinner parties or vacations or holidays with the same people and it’s quite common to feel like we no longer belong. Science confirms what I have seen working with hundreds of clients going through divorce, that some of the deepest pain we experience is when we feel disconnected. Why do we allow ourselves to isolate? My research shows that 85% of people going through divorce isolate themselves from community, family, and friends. They speak of not wanting anyone to know what they are going through because they feel ashamed of being divorced. The resulting experience is that they feel alone and disconnected from possibilities. A decade of scientific research supports my findings that shame is the reason we isolate ourselves and hide what’s really going on. This only prolongs our suffering! What is shame? Brene’ Brown describes it as: The fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? ~Brene’ Brown Brene’ goes on to explain that the underneath shame is a sense of not being good enough. Beneath this surface, she says is an ‘excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.” It’s normal to worry about what people think! Not one person I’ve worked with hasn’t had a sense of fear about what people think about them, but in terms of being happy, it’s wasted energy that is counter-productive to rebuilding a life for yourself after divorce and finding your way back into connection. If you are withholding how you’re really feeling and what is really going on with you, then it’s likely you are experiencing shame. Your sense of worthiness is compromised and when you lack a sense of worthiness of receiving love and belonging, then you will isolate yourself as a protection. But, that will never give you what you really want, which research shows is connection. You must attend to your sense of Worthiness! In over six years of collecting stories, conducting interviews, and heading focus groups, researcher Brene’ Brown discovered that There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it… the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy… the thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection… After a divorce or breakup, our sense of worthiness may be shaken or it may be that a deeper wounding around our worthiness is spotlighted. It there is one thing that I’ve noticed can change your life faster is to develop your sense of worthiness to, not only have love and belonging, but to create a better life for yourself beyond your loss. Let yourself be Courageous! Courage is the one quality that needs to be cultivated when moving on after a divorce so you can experience connection. Brence’s research shows that those with a sense of courage are those that have a strong sense of love and belonging. Courage, as Brene’ explains is “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart [and to have] the compassion to be kind to [yourself] first and then to others [because] we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.” Telling the story of who are are with your whole heart requires you to be vulnerable and honest with others about what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. It requires you to be real and raw. When my clients are vulnerable with me, I make sure they know how beautiful they are in their vulnerability and how deeply connected I feel to them because of them sharing authentically. How can you create connection? There are numerous things you can do to alleviate your suffering and many of them are going to be directly related to your willingness to be vulnerable and create meaningful connections with people. Here are some suggestions: Share authentically with people about what is going on with you. Tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Don’t worry about being rejected and don’t let perceived rejection stop you or inhibit you. The depth of connection you will make will be worth it. Stop complaining about everything and everyone you’ve lost and get your butt out there and meet new people. Be real with them too! Work with me to develop your sense of worthiness! Share your thoughts and *vulnerable* experience here! One way to connect is to leave a comment. Share from your heart. What are your struggles? What are your hopes and dreams for your future?   Explore Our Website Check out our recommended reading section for top picks on personal growth, child behaviour, and emotional healing. You can also check out The Freedom Project, a heart-led initiative that’s all about bringing people together to evolve beyond the impact of childhood sexual abuse.

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• 3 Tips to Saving a Relationship

  Fixing a relationship is much easier when you commit to these three things. Most people come to me for one of three reasons. They either want to move on after the ending of a relationship, they want to prepare themselves for a new relationship, or they want to know how to fix a relationship they’re in. The steps are the same for all three circumstances, they’re just applied differently. Today, we’re going to focus on how to fix a relationship. Your relationship didn’t get “broken” overnight, right? Most relationships need fixing because of a long series of choices that span many months or years. What’s important to know about this is that you’ll need to fix your relationship in the same manner — many choices over a period of time. This should give you hope, because consciously choosing your actions gives you the power to change your circumstances. That’s what you want, right? READ MORE over at Your Tango

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• Breakup Music Playlist

  Music as a self-care practice! Music is an important part of our lives, isn’t it? There are certain songs that take us back to a specific time of our lives, like our teen years, or an event, like our wedding day. My ex-brother and sister-in-law got married to the Beatles song, “Will You Still Love Me When I’m 64?” They’re still together. I should have known where my marriage was headed when my husband asked the mariachis to serenade us with, “El Asesino, which, in Spanish, means The Murderer (in case you were wondering). Oh, that should have been a red flag that I was creating my break up music playlist. And today it makes sense that one of my favorite songs to listen to several years into our marriage was Willie Nelson’s Country & Western hit, “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille.” I hadn’t been happy for a long time. Music connects the head and heart! After I left my marriage, I listened to a lot of music that was heart-opening, like “Ra Ma Da Sa” by Snatam Kaur. I was very intentional listening as I engaged in my Kundalini yoga practice. And then I listened incessantly to Michael Franti. I resonated with songs like “Hey World (Don’t give Up), ” because I felt like my world was a war zone. It gave me hope and I felt like I was asking the Universe to not give up on me -personally! Oh, and I learned to drum – it was like listening to my own heartbeat that I had lost touch with. A few years later, my lover turned me onto Prog, and the musical bars were raised! Listen to Spock’s Beard’s masterpiece, “The Doorway.” Isn’t it beautiful? Listening to this can you see how relationships can serve as a catalyst for our evolution? A doorway to knowing ourselves more deeply… Music can be irreverent! But, that’s fun! I love empowering music, and one of my favorite singer/songwriters is Storm Large. She’s not for everyone, but she tells it like it is and she says things the most of us would never dare speak out loud. Like this inappropriate song called, “I Want You to Die!” It is appropriate however for the angry hurt moments…. She’s a powerhouse who has lived through abuse, neglect, and depression. I love her! And have seen her in concert a couple of times. She has a wide range and is comfortable performing in jeans and a t-shirt or a fancy gown, like when she played Carnegie Hall. I personally think every woman should know Storm. You can check out her racy music, I’ll just share a mild one here that is perfect for getting over someone. Here’s Storm’s version of “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” Let’s Co-Create a Playlist! Now it’s your turn? Share your EMPOWERMENT music here! What are some fabulous songs, artists, genres you listen to?

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• 3 Ways to Expand Your Perception and Create Happiness After Divorce

  After Divorce, You need to think differently! The only way you’re going to have an experience after your divorce that is different than pain, is if you let yourself think differently about your circumstances. You can look at all the drama and trauma of what is wrong about your situation, and how it’s not supposed to be like this, but you will only prolong your suffering. People come to me because they’re tired of hurting so much and for so long. Your first task is to infiltrate your mind with newness. New thoughts and ideas that empower you to see potential in your future instead of more of the same struggle you might be experiencing today. There are many sides to a story! And not one of them is any more true than another. That means your story of what is happening to you, is simply that. A story! It may be a compelling story that has victims and perpetrators, good guys and bad guys. But it’s only a story. Each story is told from a specific perception. Here’s an exercise to see how your story is preventing you from being happy. Expanding Perception Exercise #1 Take a moment and tell your story from your perspective. Write it out in a paragraph or two and then set it aside. Now, this is the hard part. Write the same story from your partner’s perspective. What does he or she think about the situation? Who does this person blame and for what grievances? How do they see the problem and who do they cast as the victim? What would be the best next step from this perspective? Do this again from at least three different perspectives. If you are able to put yourself in the shoes of other people…. I mean, really put yourself in their shoes, you will see that you have increased your perspective. You may not like it or want to go along with what you discover, but that’s not the point… it’s simply to expand your perception and see possibilities that didn’t exist before. Being able to step out of your shoes and into another’s will give you a unique perspective that gives you access to new ideas that you could never, ever see if you were tied into only one way of perceiving a person or situation. After Divorce, you need to Speak Differently! I have found that the way we speak has a lot to do with how happy or unhappy we are. Bring conscious awareness to the words you speak to yourself. You might not even be aware of how harshly you are berating yourself. Maybe you’re not so hard on yourself, but even those clients I work with who are incredibly on-top of things and making all the ‘right’ choices have negative self-talk. Your perception will change when you bring your awareness to everything you are saying to yourself about who you are, what you’re capable of, and your general sense of worthiness. Expanding Perception Exercise #2 Stop yourself several times a day and write a short paragraph about what you’re telling yourself in an internal dialogue. See if you can start to catch yourself as you tell yourself negative messages. This exercise is only about expanding your perception around how you are treating yourself and the repetitive negative messages you tell yourself. Once you have an expanded perception of what you’re telling yourself on a regular basis, you can consciously choose to speak more kindly to yourself. Yup! It’s like setting a boundary with someone who isn’t nice to you. After Divorce, you will need to Act Differently! Thee is no other time when your behaviors will be as important to your future as when you are going through a divorce. Most people (not all) tend to keep patterns of behavior that no longer serve them. You may need to set stronger boundaries, or you may need to access a strength and courage inside of you that you didn’t know was there. You might need to take risks to meet new friends and try new things. Taking new actions will expand your perception and enable you to see new ways of behaving in the new world you’re creating for yourself. Expanding Perception Exercise #3 Notice the behaviors that you engage in that are routine and see if you can mix them up a little. You don’t have to cut the ends of the roast off any longer. The world is big enough for you and your bold life. It’s time to start living it. Take at least ONE new action each week. Try a new food, pick up a new hobby, meet a new friend. Write about what you notice as a result. Expanding your perception will bring you happiness! At the beginning of Brene’ Browns TedTalk on vulnerability, she explains how her research expanded her perception in ways that completely changed the way she lives, loves, works, and even how she parents. Staying tucked into a metaphorical box of limited perception will only give us more of what we’ve already created. If you’re not 100% happy with your life, then do everything you can to expand your perception of your circumstances. Think about it… there is a huge difference in perceiving your relationship breakup (or challenges) to be a huge failure instead of thinking of it as opening you up to a new wonderful experience of your life. Which way of walking through the fire do you think will bring you more happiness? Are you a victim or your circumstances? Or a powerful co-creator with the Divine? You choose!

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• The Law of Divine Guidance

  The Law of Divine Guidance says that you can trust the flow of your life. Whatever religion you practice will be honored and respected. I’ll support you in using whatever Divine Guidance you choose to help you find your own answers. Learning how to access your own inner wisdom will be key to integrating The Law of Divine Guidance. Your internal world is a safe place for your Divine Guidance to make itself known to you. In this process of healing your heart, I will guide you weekly into your internal world to access this wisdom. RESOURCE – Eckhart Tolle — A New Earth Maybe you watched the Oprah webcasts. I found the series very powerful and resonating. Give it a try. Meditation is a powerful tool to use to connect with your inner wisdom. Share with me how you connect with your inner wisdom. In this short video, Deepak Chopra talks about how to meditate. This is a tool I like to use to connect with my Divine Guidance. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Divine Guidance | My Heart Heals.

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