November 2024

How to Stop Settling & Start Thriving in Love

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you felt like you were giving everything, but your partner just wouldn’t fully show up? Maybe they avoided deeper connection, their communication was hot and cold, or their actions never quite matched their words. If this resonates with you, you’re not alone.

from Trauma to True Love

Unseen Impact of Childhood Trauma on Self-Worth

Hello Sweetheart. Today, I want to reach into a space that may feel especially tender—a space where early wounds shape the way we see ourselves and, by extension, how we experience love. This is a conversation that runs deeper than romantic relationships alone; it’s about the relationship we carry with ourselves, the worthiness we feel, and the love we believe we deserve.

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Divorce Care: 3 Steps to Protecting Your Heart

Protecting your heart is a normal & natural thing to do! But it won’t get you what you want. One of the first things to happen when you go through a breakup or divorce is: you hurt like a #($*%. The pain can cut through you like a hot knife leaving you gasping for air. The normal human reaction to pain is to protect yourself. But unconscious protecting of your heart will leave you feeling alone and miserable and at it’s worse, it will deaden your spirit and leave you disconnected from the very things you most want: love, partnership, connection, to not be alone. It’s very common to commit to never loving again because of how deeply you’ve been hurt. Here are 3 steps you can take to protect your heart and keep it open. Step 1 -Stop Pointing your Finger! Protections like anger, blame, and resentment, are a few of the walls we erect to protect our hearts. We think these protections keep us safe, but they don’t really work. We mistakingly think that someone has to be responsible for what went wrong and we either blame the other person or we beat ourselves up without mercy. What’s really happening if you’re blaming your ex for the pain you’re in is that you’re unconsciously directing responsibility for the breakup away from yourself. If he or she did something that was really awful, then it’s easy to point your finger and say, “It’s all your fault!” It’s no different than self-blame, except that you’re unconsciously taking all the responsibility. If you’re a self-blamer, then you’re saying things like, “If only I did _____ differently,” or “If only I was better at______.” Either way, the first step is to cease and desist all blame – inbound or outbound. What if it didn’t really matter whose fault it was? What if you could take responsibility for your part without blame? What if you didn’t take responsibility for the parts that aren’t yours-without pointing your finger? The result will be a conscious awareness of what you and your ex co-created – together! Your breakup wouldn’t be happening if only one of you was in the relationship. While it may still be painful to look at your breakup in this way, if you want to protect your heart and keep it open for future love, then you must take responsibility without blame. Learn more about Spiritual Divorce ™ and the Law of Responsibility. Step 2 – Be Ruthlessly Compassionate! You can’t keep your heart open and protect it without a huge dose of compassion as you look at yourself and your part of the breakup. You may be tempted to circle back to the blame. Instead, take a breath and tell yourself that you’re okay and you did the best you could at the time. Be firm with yourself and don’t go into beating yourself up. If you do have an over-powering inner-critic, send him or her away for a vacation – they need a break! You will need to be able to be gentle with yourself as you notice your relationship patterns. Step 3 – Identify Your Red Flags! The information you discover from taking responsibility without blame will likely illuminate the choices you made that led to your breakup. If you’re completely honest with yourself, you will likely notice that you avoided something that you shouldn’t have avoided by sweeping it under the carpet. Maybe you didn’t speak up or you ignored signs of cheating, maybe you weren’t really happy but stayed for the kids. Give yourself permission to find your red flags, because they are your gold mine. Your red flags are what you will use to keep your heart open and safe at the same time. By addressing red flags as they come up, you will build a trusting relationship with yourself that you can count on to make conscious relationship choices. Need Support and divorce care? Learn the 7 Spiritual Laws in an 8-week Study & Support Group If you just haven’t been able to get through your pain, then I’d like to invite you to join me in a study of Debbie Ford’s Spiritual Divorce and get divorce care and support in our interactive online group. Use the above link to get more information or email me to sign up for the 8-week support group starting soon. You’re going to be okay!
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It’s not if you fall, it’s what you do after that counts!

When I saw this video, I cried… There are certain circumstances that can knock us down. Life throws us challenges: a move to a new home; a change in career; an unexpected death in the family; an illness; a divorce. We don’t always know how to get back up after big losses, but I hope this video gives you some inspiration to do it… to get back up and move forward. Feelings like sadness, grief, disappointment, frustration, and grief can overwhelm us. I know… I’ve been there! Do You Feel Alone? Going through a major life transition often leaves us feeling alone. Well-meaning friends and family can give us wonderful support, but it’s not always what we need and we can end up feeling more alone than ever. If this is your experience, you’re not alone (no pun intended). If you’ve moved, changed your career left a relationship then you have a lot to deal with. Your surroundings may have changed. The people you trusted and counted on may not be available in the ways you need them. You might need a new support system, and that is completely and totally normal and expected! Prepare Yourself! I know it’s not as easy as saying, “Just do blah, blah, blah!” You may know what needs to change. You may know what you need to do differently, but you may not be in a position to create the pathway to a better future. The woman in the video trained to run that race. She trained to win. She had a coach. She practiced every day. Take some time and create a plan – a step-by-step plan that gets you hooked into community gets you the support you need and holds you accountable for taking decisive and strategic actions to get back on top of your life. It may be a struggle. You may get out of breath feeling overwhelmed, but you can do it. Here’s how you can reinvent yourself and move toward a better future. With each and every action you take, ask yourself, “Will this keep me stuck in the past or will it propel me to the future I desire?” Ask this question for what you believe – do you need to change your beliefs? As this question for what you tell yourself in your internal dialogue – do you need to have a strong boundary with yourself to change how you talk to yourself? Choose who you will invite in as your support team. Who are your coaches and cheerleaders? Who can you complain to that won’t let you get away with complaining, but won’t make you feel bad about yourself either? Who will hold you in your highest, hold your hand every step of the way, and hold your heart in sacred trust? I will! If you want support to reinvent yourself, schedule a complimentary 30 minute call with me here and we’ll explore how I can support you.
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Rebuilding after divorce

“The way we feel about our [DIVORCE] is a result of the interpretations we have made.” There is no other truth that is more powerful than you have the power to choose how you interpret the painful events of your life! When you choose to look at your divorce as a catastrophic event or a catalyst for an even better life, then you are choosing to focus on an outcome that you are likely to manifest. This fact can be devastating or empowering, and you get to choose that too! Even quantum physics says nothing is created until it is first thought of in the mind. With this as a guiding principle, it is very important to become aware of our thoughts and the choices we are making, because within these interpretations we create our reality! Your life tomorrow will be the result of the interpretations you’re making today! Build a strong foundation! I know of very few experiences that throw people off more than a relationship crisis. Rebuilding after divorce isn’t a cakewalk. Whether it’s a betrayal, death, or divorce (which feels like a death), you must rebuild from the ground up! Your interpretations of your circumstances are your foundation. Imagine rebuilding your life on the following beliefs (which are very common, so don’t feel bad if you’re feeling this): I’m a failure I’m going to be alone forever I’m worthless I’ll never have the relationship I want, so I might as well settle for what I have What do you think you will create if you approach your future with those thoughts? Now, I’m not saying to pretend you’re not having these thoughts when you are. I’m saying that these are ONLY thoughts and interpretations of the reasons for your loss, and you do have the power to choose your beliefs. This is a very important distinction and can change your life, so bear with me. Rebuilding after divorce is absolutely necessary! What if you built your foundation on these thoughts: It’s obvious that there’s something better for me, or this wouldn’t be happening to me. I am worthy of copious amounts of love, respect, and care so obviously I need to move on from this relationship, because, if I’m not getting what I need here I need to make myself available for it somewhere else. I am so excited to meet the next love of my life because it only gets better from here. A belief that “I am not ever going to find another partner”, will leave you with a willingness to settle for less from your current partner (or other people in your life). The mindset that you won’t get what you want compels you to give in to fears of taking risks… of letting go… or of being alone… You get to choose in each moment! I am guilty of making negative interpretations as much as the next. It’s okay as long as we recognize that we are creating through our thoughts, words, and actions – and get the support we need to take the risks that will evolve us to the next level of co-creation. When you recognize you’re making negative interpretations, then simply stop. Consciously choose an interpretation that empowers you to move forward in creating a life after your divorce that you can be excited about. Three Steps to a strong foundation! Alright, this could take some time because the old way of interpreting what is happing in your life could be like digging out the old footings that held your old foundation up, but you need an upgrade Baby! Be patient, compassionate, and gentle with yourself as you learn to choose an empowered perspective for your circumstances. Try these three simple steps: Write down all the negative interpretations about your life, your partner, your work, etc. Yup! Get it ALL out, and don’t hold back because your empowered future depends on this! Make a list of alternate (empowered) interpretations for each one. Write a note to yourself that says: “What is an empowered interpretation?” each time you find yourself thinking of a negative interpretation. You can read about the Law of Choice in Debbie Ford’s book, Spiritual Divorce, or you can sign up here to receive information for my next online group study of Spiritual Divorce, so you can implement powerful spiritual laws of divorce in the presence of an online community and Spiritual Divorce coach.
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The Law of Acceptance

The first spiritual law states “everything is as it should be.” It’s not easy to embrace this law when your spouse just lied to you about your financial situation, cheated on you with your best friend, or is threatening you with divorce. Nor is it easy to embrace this law when your heart is broken and you are in the most intense pain wishing to not have the experience you’re having and for your life to be different. There’s an old Sufi story about a farmer and his son. Have you heard it? The farmer heads out to feed his animals and his prized horse is dead. As soon as the village learned of this tragedy, they came to express their condolences. The farmer heard the same message throughout the day: “What a terrible thing to have happen to you. This is the worst thing that could happen.” The farmer repeated what became a mantra to the well-wishers: “Perhaps…. perhaps…” The following week, while the farmer was working the land, his eldest son runs to tell him that he just captured a herd of wild horses. This time the villagers were excited for the farmer and came to congratulate him on his good fortune. “You are so lucky! Look at the blessing that has been bestowed upon you. An entire herd of horses! You rock!” Interestingly, the farmer’s reply was the same as before, “Perhaps…” A few days later he sent his son to tame the wild horses. In the process, the farmer’s son was thrown to the ground and his leg was broken. You know the villagers were pretty tight back then, so they all heard of the tragedy. Once again the villagers came to check on the boy and to inform the farmer of what bad luck he was having. The farmer’s reply once again was, “Perhaps… perhaps.” The farmer’s son was still bedridden several weeks later when the emperor sent his messengers to round up all the boys who could fight in a local battle. Of course, they passed the boy right on by when the messengers saw how injured he was. A few weeks later, the neighbors, who lost their sons in the battle, again come by the farmer’s home and say, “You’re so lucky to have your son home with you.” And do you know what the farmer said? You’re right, “Perhaps… perhaps.” Acceptance: It may be the last thing you want to do. Usually, when we’re in the middle of a crisis, our first thought tends to be something like this: It shouldn’t be like this. Why is this happening to me? The Law of Acceptance teaches us that our lives are always evolving whether we know it or not and invites us to remember that what may appear to be a tragedy, maybe in reality leading us to the fulfillment of our dreams. When you are living this law you will be heading toward a trusting relationship with the Divine. You will trust on an intuitive level that the changes that are taking place in your life are ultimately for your highest good – even when you are hurting. The Law of Acceptance is the first step toward healing your broken heart. As you embrace The Law of Acceptance, you will open yourself up to reinventing yourself and creating the life that you most desire. RESOURCES: exercise, book, and a video. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford The Right Questions by Debbie Ford Byron Katie — Is it true? In this powerful video, Byron Katie highlights a story about a woman who doesn’t even know what she wants. After asking a few important questions, she discovers that she doesn’t even want her husband back. Can you imagine the freedom you can have from discovering what you really want?
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The Law of Divine Guidance

The Law of Divine Guidance says that you can trust the flow of your life. Whatever religion you practice will be honored and respected. I’ll support you in using whatever Divine Guidance you choose to help you find your own answers. Learning how to access your own inner wisdom will be key to integrating The Law of Divine Guidance. Your internal world is a safe place for your Divine Guidance to make itself known to you. In this process of healing your heart, I will guide you weekly into your internal world to access this wisdom. RESOURCE – Eckhart Tolle — A New Earth Maybe you watched the Oprah webcasts. I found the series very powerful and resonating. Give it a try. Meditation is a powerful tool to use to connect with your inner wisdom. Share with me how you connect with your inner wisdom. In this short video, Deepak Chopra talks about how to meditate. This is a tool I like to use to connect with my Divine Guidance. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Divine Guidance | My Heart Heals.
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