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The Law of Creation

The Law of Creation frees you to consciously step out of self-imposed limitations and into the infinite wonder of what is possible for your life. When you have integrated the other six spiritual laws, you will be well on your way to a healed heart and in the perfect position to go for what you desire. Once you have forgiven and broken the painful ties that bind you to the past, you will be in the perfect place to create from clear ground. You deserve to be free from the pain of the past and to live with an open, loving, and trusting heart. It may be hard work for you, but I guarantee you that if you make the commitment to heal your heart, it will be well worth it. If you were standing on a blank canvas, what would you create? AN EXERCISE Give yourself a little time to dream. Before you begin this 10-15 minute journaling exercise, clear your mind of all limitations. If you notice doubt or fear creep in, just ask it to sit aside for your journal time. Use the following prompts to imagine what you would create: If your heart were completely healed, what would you be able to have in your life? What is it that you would be able to do that you haven’t been able to do up to now? Where would you live? work? What new things would you try? A new hobby? Would you take up an activity that you haven’t participated in for years? How might you look at the world differently? If you had the feeling in your heart that you were unstoppable, what actions would you take this week? What old grudges would you drop? What fears would you let go of? If there were no limitations, what would your life look like? Once you’ve written for about 15 minutes, fold the piece of paper up and place it under your pillow. Read it every night for a week. Feel free to add to it or update it as you re-read it. Let the good feelings build in you as you commit to creating what you want for your life. Share with me what you discovered about your desires. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Creation | My Heart Heals.
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3 tips for surviving the holidays after divorce

Divorce is challenging no matter when you leave your marriage. Making the decision to divorce during the holidays can be particularly challenging. It’s not uncommon to put off the decision for a better time, like at the end of a year or when the kids go off to college. Unfortunately for many, the better time turns into years of indecision, deeper despair, and increased unhappiness. It’s a given that your family will be challenged regardless of when you decide to break up, however, there are things you can do to ease the burden and move forward with confidence that you’re going to be okay. My marriage ended just before Thanksgiving nine years ago, and it was a very sad and confusing time for everyone. Through my own experience and working with hundreds of people leaving a marriage, I’ve learned some tips to help you, not only survive the holidays but believe that you will at some point be able to thrive in your new life. Statistics have shown that it takes on average 4 to 8 years to completely move on from a divorce. Anything you can do to shorten your healing process will benefit you, and everyone affected by your breakup. Whether this approaching holiday season will be your first experience post-divorce, you’re in the middle of a breakup, or if you’re several years post-divorce and still haven’t been able to get through the holidays, these 3 tips will help! Surviving the holidays: Tip #1 – Connect! The most important thing you can do to survive the holidays is to create connections. Most people tell me that they feel out of place and that they feel they don’t belong anywhere. This is a normal experience that you absolutely must not give into. Connect, no matter what. Isolating yourself will breed feelings of victimization, loneliness, and sadness. You may still have these feelings, but you won’t be alone – and it’s much harder to dig yourself into despair when you are with people. Who you spend time with during the holidays may change, and this can be sad. Don’t let it stop you. If you always attend your in-laws’ holiday gatherings and this year you are not participating, find somewhere else to share the day with. You might want to attend a singles (or single parent) meetup for the holidays. There are a lot of them, but if there isn’t one in your area, then consider going out of town for the day. Call a friend and invite yourself to dinner. Some people tell me, “Inviting myself to someone’s holiday gathering means I’m pathetic. I won’t do it!” To this I say, “Do it!” Pathetic is an interpretation you’ve made. This brings me to Tip #2… Surviving the holidays: Tip #2 – Choose your interpretations! If you’re like me, and most of the clients I’ve worked with, you have special needs during the holidays: needs for compassion and care; needs for inclusion and kindness; needs for non-judgment and most of all a need to feel hopeful about your future. Making negative interpretations is common, so don’t feel bad if you’re looking at everything that is wrong with your situation. Just don’t stop there… Make a list of what you’re making your divorce, or the experiences you’re having, mean about you. Your kids may be angry at you. You might feel guilty that you’ve caused your loved ones to feel pain. You might feel you don’t deserve to be happy or you’re unworthy of love. Look at your interpretations and determine which ones make you feel bad and which ones make you feel good. Statistically, your interpretations will probably be negative. Knowing this will give you the awareness to consciously choose how you’re going to view your circumstances. Once you have your list of interpretations, see if you can create positive interpretations about your experience. For example, you get to create a new life for yourself, you deserve to be happy, the universe is conspiring on your behalf to give you everything your heart desires. If this feels too simplistic, schedule a session with me and we can come up with some powerful interpretations that you can hang your hat on! Surviving the holidays: Tip #3 – Create something new! Divorce = a lot of letting go! Use tip #2 to create an empowering interpretation about what you’re letting go of. Choose to see this as an opportunity to breathe something new into your life. Let yourself get creative and do something out of the ordinary, or something you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because of the relationship you were in. Try something new! What new tradition will you start this year? You might be overcome with grief, sadness, and guilt this year, but don’t let that stop you from moving forward. If you want some support in surviving the holidays and creating something new, then join me for a special call on Wednesday, November 13th at 6 pm pacific (9 pm eastern) and we’ll share more tips for surviving the holidays. We’ll brainstorm in this interactive community call to help you with new ideas and you’ll have an opportunity to join a small online group to help you survive the holidays and celebrate your successes – together… in community with people who care, so you don’t feel alone as you move through the next couple months. Join our call: Surviving the holidays: Taking a BREAK from divorce drama
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How Divorce and Global Warming are Connected

I was talking with one of my clients in an off-scheduled call during my morning yoga routine. She was distraught with emotion and we started making the analogy of how divorce can be described through weather patterns. We have EARTHQUAKES! This is the initial shock that rocks our foundation, destroying what we’ve grown and built over the years. We don’t know how much damage there is until we get underneath the structure. Sometimes the structure can be rebuilt, and others it needs to be completely torn down or abandoned. What do we learn from the earthquake? The importance of a strong foundation that is built on honest and open communication, and true intimacy and vulnerability. We learn the importance of creating a partnership from a foundation of shared values, hopes, and dreams. We learn the importance of knowing ourselves deeply before getting into a relationship in the first place. We learn the dangers of building our foundation on denial, resentments, and withheld communications. We have TORNADOS! These are the emotions that rip through us leaving us in a pile of rubble and not knowing how to clean up the mess. Sometimes, we don’t even know where to start. This is when we need to call in Red Cross! Get help from people who know the terrain and has access to the federal emergency fund. This is where you employ the support of friends to hold you when you cry and therapists, and coaches who have your back and help you navigate the emotional waters of divorce so you come out the other side empowered and ready to move on with confidence. While grief is anything but linear, we’re highly trained and have experience and expertise in helping you reinvent your life after divorce or breakup. We have FLOODS and Wild Winter Storms! These are the endless tears of grief that envelop us as we begin the process of letting to and accepting our loss. It can be very difficult to let go, even if we know it’s the right thing for us. We grieve the loss of an intact family, we grieve the loss of companionship, we grieve the loss of friends and family, and we grieve the loss of our hopes and dreams for a happy family. “You cannot heal what you cannot feel,” is a motto I live by. While denial is an active component of the 5 stages of grief that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified, sweeping your feelings under the rug or pretending you’re okay will only prolong the grieving process. Your birthright is to feel! While it may seem you will go out of control or that you will go so deep you won’t come back, if you give yourself permission to feel fully, then you will come out the other side feeling cleansed and renewed – just like the day after a huge thunderstorm. If you’ve ever been in one, you know the quality of freshness and aliveness is tangible – and delicious! We have GLOBAL WARMING! – more commonly known as Hot Flashes! Yes, divorce is compounded when you’re in your forties and fifties because many of us question our attractiveness and F*#%ability. We question our value and ability to attract a partner. Our bodies are changing! Our emotions and even our sleep patterns are affected by menopause. A friend of mine said that menopause means, MEN – o – PAUSE – and while she claims it’s a time to take a pause from men, I say it’s a time to Reclaim Yourself! Pay attention to the interconnectedness of your inner and outer experiences. Take the time to delve deeply into your belief system and become internally referenced. Let go of patterns of self-sabotage, limiting beliefs, and ways of thinking, and embrace your authentic core essence of who you are! We have the RAINBOW! Divorce is the perfect catastrophic life event to give birth to yourself! It’s a golden opportunity to learn who you are and to commit to a consciously created life of your choosing. There is life beyond divorce, and more often than not the struggles immediately following a divorce can bring you a better life. Imagine the rainbow and remember the promise of hope and renewal of life after the destruction! You can do it! You will get through it! And you don’t have to do it alone! This is where Spiritual Divorce and my Reclaim Yourself After Divorce process help. First Spiritual Divorce helps remove the layers of shame and guilt as you learn and integrate universal spiritual laws that heal your heart and empower you to move on with confidence. After you complete the one-on-one intensive Spiritual Divorce process or an online Study of Spiritual Divorce, then you can being the Reclaim Yourself Process and fall in love with yourself, regain your confidence, grow your self-esteem, and become the beloved you want to partner with. Take your Reclaim Yourself After Divorce Assessment and schedule and take your first steps toward the pot of gold!
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More Divorces Filed In January

Three Reasons People File for Divorce in January There are more divorces filed in January than any other month, so says The Huffington Post. There is never a good time to break up and if you don’t do it now, you’ll probably be in it another year. With the holidays over the thought of staying in an unhappy relationship one more year can seem overwhelming. While New Year’s resolutions often fall away by February, many feel if they don’t file in January they may fall back into denial and pretend everything is okay for another year. There are many reasons people file for divorce in January, but as a divorce coach, here are the top three that I hear people talk about the most. Reason #3 – Selfishness or Compassion? Even though the decision to leave a relationship is often made during the holiday season, nobody wants to file for divorce while everyone is celebrating and gathering together as a family. Divorce brings an enormous amount of pain and suffering for, not only the couple but extended family and friends as well. The logic most people have is that filing in January is a better time. There are two ways of experiencing the decision to wait until after the holidays. Both are true. The first is selfishness and goes something like: “I couldn’t do that to my family during the holidays,” or “I don’t want to deal with it right now.” So, people wait until January. Here’s another way people experience their decision to wait: Even though it might not seem like it, compassion is driving the decision to wait until after the holidays. People who wait until January are often concerned about causing suffering to their children or spouse or extended family. There is a sense that they are easing the pain by waiting. Reason #2 – New Beginnings! The beginning of a new year always brings with it hope for a better year than the last. If they hope to save the marriage is lost, then it’s time to start over. The dread people feel around staying in a hopeless situation filled with resentments, anger, and misunderstandings is often overwhelming for people who decide to divorce in January. Most people feel if they don’t take the leap in January, they never will. So, filled with a sense of courage, they jump. Maybe they have tried everything. Maybe they were never committed enough to really put themselves fully into the relationship. It takes a ton of courage to look at yourself and be willing to retract the claws of blame long enough to really see if the marriage can be saved. I can help with that. If you’ve tried everything, give me a chance and I guarantee that if I can’t help you save your marriage, you’ll leave it knowing you’ve given it your all. You’ll also be better equipped to deal with your marriage in an empowered way and keep your heart open to a future lover. Reason #1 – To Benefit the Kids! Most people stay married for years because they don’t want to cause their children pain. They think they’re doing them a favor. But, when I ask them what they think they are teaching their children by staying in a loveless, unhappy, or abusive relationship they usually have big insights that lead to action. It’s not an easy thing to realize you’ve been teaching your children how to settle for less and how to be unhappy and how to put themselves last. When I ask my clients if they would want their children to stay in a relationship they were unhappy in, they ALWAYS reply “No!” It’s a humbling experience to realize the very reason you’re sacrificing your own happiness may be the very thing you are teaching your children to do later in life. They learn from watching you. They learn how to DO relationships by what they see you do. They really do learn by example. They learn how to be treated by what you put up within a relationship. They do! Maybe this realization helps you to decide to file for divorce in January. But, I recommend talking to me first. Because I have helped tons of people change their relationships into ones they can be proud of teaching modeling for their children. After working with me, guilt will reside and you can feel confident you’re making a good decision for yourself and your children, regardless of the decision you make. If you do decide to break up, you will understand why more divorces are filed in January than any other month.
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Breakup Music Playlist

Music as a self-care practice! Music is an important part of our lives, isn’t it? There are certain songs that take us back to a specific time of our lives, like our teen years, or an event, like our wedding day. My ex-brother and sister-in-law got married to the Beatles song, “Will You Still Love Me When I’m 64?” They’re still together. I should have known where my marriage was headed when my husband asked the mariachis to serenade us with, “El Asesino, which, in Spanish, means The Murderer (in case you were wondering). Oh, that should have been a red flag that I was creating my break up music playlist. And today it makes sense that one of my favorite songs to listen to several years into our marriage was Willie Nelson’s Country & Western hit, “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille.” I hadn’t been happy for a long time. Music connects the head and heart! After I left my marriage, I listened to a lot of music that was heart-opening, like “Ra Ma Da Sa” by Snatam Kaur. I was very intentional listening as I engaged in my Kundalini yoga practice. And then I listened incessantly to Michael Franti. I resonated with songs like “Hey World (Don’t give Up), ” because I felt like my world was a war zone. It gave me hope and I felt like I was asking the Universe to not give up on me -personally! Oh, and I learned to drum – it was like listening to my own heartbeat that I had lost touch with. A few years later, my lover turned me onto Prog, and the musical bars were raised! Listen to Spock’s Beard’s masterpiece, “The Doorway.” Isn’t it beautiful? Listening to this can you see how relationships can serve as a catalyst for our evolution? A doorway to knowing ourselves more deeply… Music can be irreverent! But, that’s fun! I love empowering music, and one of my favorite singer/songwriters is Storm Large. She’s not for everyone, but she tells it like it is and she says things the most of us would never dare speak out loud. Like this inappropriate song called, “I Want You to Die!” It is appropriate however for the angry hurt moments…. She’s a powerhouse who has lived through abuse, neglect, and depression. I love her! And have seen her in concert a couple of times. She has a wide range and is comfortable performing in jeans and a t-shirt or a fancy gown, like when she played Carnegie Hall. I personally think every woman should know Storm. You can check out her racy music, I’ll just share a mild one here that is perfect for getting over someone. Here’s Storm’s version of “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” Let’s Co-Create a Playlist! Now it’s your turn? Share your EMPOWERMENT music here! What are some fabulous songs, artists, genres you listen to?
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Tag Archive for: Gordon Clay

Suicide Prevention with Guest Gordon Clay

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