More Divorces Filed In January

January is a time of reflection and new beginnings, which is why so many people take the courageous step of reevaluating their marriages. But for those with a history of childhood trauma or CSA, the decision to leave can feel even more complex. In this post, I explore why so many choose this month to file for divorce—and how past experiences may be shaping your decision. If you’re at a crossroads, you’re not alone. Reach out, and I’ll share my Family Transitions Guidelines to help you navigate this process with clarity and compassion.

Three Reasons People File for Divorce in January

(and How Childhood Trauma May Play a Role in Your Decision)

January is often referred to as “Divorce Month,” with more people deciding to end their marriages during this time than any other month. The start of a new year brings a natural reflection on life, relationships, and what the future holds. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the thought of staying in an unhappy marriage for another year, you are not alone.

For many, the decision to leave is not just about the present struggles in their relationship—it’s about patterns that may have been shaped long before the marriage even began. Childhood trauma, including childhood sexual abuse (CSA), can have a profound impact on the way we choose partners, navigate intimacy, and establish boundaries in relationships. Sometimes, divorce isn’t just about the marriage—it’s about breaking free from old survival mechanisms that no longer serve us.

If you’re at a crossroads, know that whatever path you choose, it deserves to be approached with compassion, clarity, and support. As a coach who works with women navigating these deeply personal transitions, I want to offer a perspective on why so many people choose to file in January—and how unresolved trauma may be playing a role in your decision.

Reason #3 – A Thoughtful Pause: Compassion vs. Timing

For many, the decision to leave isn’t sudden—it’s something they’ve wrestled with for months or even years. While some may have known during the holidays that their marriage was coming to an end, they wait until January to file, often out of consideration for their family.

This waiting period is often misunderstood. Some see it as postponing the inevitable out of fear or avoidance, but for many, it is an act of love and respect. They want to protect their children from emotional distress during the holidays or give themselves the time to process what’s ahead. Others are working through deeper fears—such as the fear of abandonment or rejection—that may have roots in childhood experiences.

If you’ve been holding onto this decision, know that there is no perfect time. There is only the path that feels right for you.

Reason #2 – The Desire for a Fresh Start

A new year brings with it the hope of new beginnings. For those who have exhausted all efforts to heal their marriage, the thought of staying in a relationship filled with disconnection, pain, or unspoken resentments can feel unbearable.

But for those with a history of CSA or childhood trauma, making the decision to leave can be even more complicated. Trauma can create deep-seated patterns—such as staying in relationships that feel familiar rather than healthy, tolerating mistreatment, or fearing the unknown more than an unhappy present. Many people who experienced trauma as children were taught to minimize their needs or ignore their intuition, making it difficult to trust themselves in relationships.

If you’re at this crossroads, I encourage you to take a deep breath and know that you don’t have to do this alone. Whether you want to explore ways to repair your relationship or need support in making a transition, I’m here to help you navigate this with clarity and self-compassion.

Reason #1 – The Well-Being of Children

Many people stay in marriages longer than they should because they believe it’s best for their children. The thought of breaking up a family is heart-wrenching, and the fear of causing harm can keep people stuck in relationships that no longer serve them.

But if you grew up in a home where relationships were dysfunctional, unhealthy, or even abusive, staying may not be the best example for your children. They learn about love, boundaries, and self-worth by watching you. If your relationship is filled with tension, resentment, or emotional detachment, your children may absorb those lessons, too.

One of the hardest realizations I help my clients come to is that staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children can sometimes teach them the very patterns we hoped to protect them from—settling for less, tolerating mistreatment, or believing that love and suffering must coexist.

This doesn’t mean divorce is the only answer. But it does mean that if you’re struggling, it’s worth taking an honest look at what you want to model for your children. Whether that means healing your marriage or making the difficult decision to leave, I’m here to support you in finding the healthiest path forward.

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

Deciding whether to stay or leave is one of the hardest choices you may ever face, and if childhood trauma or past abuse is a factor, it can feel even more overwhelming. But you don’t have to figure this out by yourself.

If you’re feeling uncertain or want guidance on navigating this transition in a way that prioritizes emotional well-being for yourself and your children, I invite you to reach out. I’d love to share my Family Transitions Guidelines with you—resources designed to help you move forward with clarity, compassion, and confidence.

No matter what you choose, know that you are worthy of love, respect, and a life that truly honors your deepest truth.

💛 If you’d like support, reach out to me, and I’ll send you my Family Transitions Guidelines to help you take your next step with clarity and care.

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Resentment or Righteous Anger: How to Know the Difference

Difficult Emotions when you move on after divorce Who hasn’t gone through a breakup and felt angry, marginalized, or powerless? Divorce can often act as a catalyst for regaining lost power, but difficult and confusion emotions can complicate the process. As conscious as we want to consider ourselves, it is actually quite common to fall into the trap of trying to regain our power through manipulation and control. You need to know where you stand, in yourself, to be able to wield your anger in constructive and empowered ways. The First Step is Knowing the Difference between resentment and righteous anger! When your anger is a result of resentment, then you can be sure that you feel unsettled inside, but when your anger is the result of taking a stand, then you will experience a sense of calm – even when you might not get what you want! Here are some ways to recognize the difference: RESENTMENT Resentment is a result of not taking care of yourself, and expecting others to give you what you want even though you haven’t directly asked for it. Feelings of resentment are common in a breakup because they build over time. In the beginning, you might have an expectation that your partner will say or do something and when they don’t live up to your expectation, then you feel let down or a little angry. Burying the little feeling is like planting a seed that eventually turns into a garden of resentment. Over time, you will discover little ‘volunteer’ plants of resentment where you didn’t expect them.When you feel resentment, you will have an experience of wanting to get back at your partner (or ex), to hurt them in some way, or “make them pay” for what they’ve done (or not done). Once you’ve made it to the point of divorce, it’s much more difficult to pull the weeds of resentment, but you can do it. I’m not here to say it’s an easy task, but I guarantee you that the work you do around releasing your resentment will help you regain your power and leave you feeling the peace of mind you so desperately want to experience. RIGHTEOUS ANGER Righteous anger is different than the anger that comes from resentment, because you’re putting your stake in the ground and letting others know what your boundary is. The way to express righteous anger is to know yourself deeply and know where you stand, so you recognize when a boundary has been crossed. Regaining your power after divorce or breakup is sacred work and in the process you will discover that many of the choices you made did not serve you. In this recognition you can stop blaming your ex and start giving yourself what you need. You’re not always going to get what you want. You may have to fight for your rights, and as you stand up for yourself from an empowered, matter-of-fact knowing, then you will be able to release your resentments gradually and naturally. It’s not about “Right” and “Wrong” We tend to look at things from our own perspectives, so don’t get caught up in believing that your righteous anger is about you being right and your partner being wrong. There is no right and wrong thinking that will bring you peace. EVER! In the knowing of who you are, you can make decisions that are ‘right’ for you and you may take other people into consideration when making your choices. What you must know is the difference between the actions you take that are from resentment or righteous anger so you don’t make a bigger mess of things, because divorce and breakups are messy. Some suggestions: As you move on after divorce or breakup, it is important to own your feelings! Know yourself and the pain you’re in and take responsibility for your part of the co-creation of your current circumstances. Don’t blame anyone else for not getting what you want. Instead vision the life you want and make choices that lead you toward peace and happiness. Set and maintain clear boundaries with yourself and others, and above all else: Take care of yourself as if you were one of the top 3 most important people in your life. COMMENTS Please! (I’ll respond!) Leave your comments below, by answering one of the following inquiries: What are your top resentments are and your struggles for releasing them as you move on after divorce or breakup? Describe what you’re doing to hold on to or let go of your resentments. What stand do you need to take? How will you commit to taking really good care of yourself this week?
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The Law of Divine Guidance

The Law of Divine Guidance says that you can trust the flow of your life. Whatever religion you practice will be honored and respected. I’ll support you in using whatever Divine Guidance you choose to help you find your own answers. Learning how to access your own inner wisdom will be key to integrating The Law of Divine Guidance. Your internal world is a safe place for your Divine Guidance to make itself known to you. In this process of healing your heart, I will guide you weekly into your internal world to access this wisdom. RESOURCE – Eckhart Tolle — A New Earth Maybe you watched the Oprah webcasts. I found the series very powerful and resonating. Give it a try. Meditation is a powerful tool to use to connect with your inner wisdom. Share with me how you connect with your inner wisdom. In this short video, Deepak Chopra talks about how to meditate. This is a tool I like to use to connect with my Divine Guidance. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Divine Guidance | My Heart Heals.
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3 Tips to Saving a Relationship

Fixing a relationship is much easier when you commit to these three things. Most people come to me for one of three reasons. They either want to move on after the ending of a relationship, they want to prepare themselves for a new relationship, or they want to know how to fix a relationship they’re in. The steps are the same for all three circumstances, they’re just applied differently. Today, we’re going to focus on how to fix a relationship. Your relationship didn’t get “broken” overnight, right? Most relationships need fixing because of a long series of choices that span many months or years. What’s important to know about this is that you’ll need to fix your relationship in the same manner — many choices over a period of time. This should give you hope, because consciously choosing your actions gives you the power to change your circumstances. That’s what you want, right? READ MORE over at Your Tango
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Breakup Music Playlist

Music as a self-care practice! Music is an important part of our lives, isn’t it? There are certain songs that take us back to a specific time of our lives, like our teen years, or an event, like our wedding day. My ex-brother and sister-in-law got married to the Beatles song, “Will You Still Love Me When I’m 64?” They’re still together. I should have known where my marriage was headed when my husband asked the mariachis to serenade us with, “El Asesino, which, in Spanish, means The Murderer (in case you were wondering). Oh, that should have been a red flag that I was creating my break up music playlist. And today it makes sense that one of my favorite songs to listen to several years into our marriage was Willie Nelson’s Country & Western hit, “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille.” I hadn’t been happy for a long time. Music connects the head and heart! After I left my marriage, I listened to a lot of music that was heart-opening, like “Ra Ma Da Sa” by Snatam Kaur. I was very intentional listening as I engaged in my Kundalini yoga practice. And then I listened incessantly to Michael Franti. I resonated with songs like “Hey World (Don’t give Up), ” because I felt like my world was a war zone. It gave me hope and I felt like I was asking the Universe to not give up on me -personally! Oh, and I learned to drum – it was like listening to my own heartbeat that I had lost touch with. A few years later, my lover turned me onto Prog, and the musical bars were raised! Listen to Spock’s Beard’s masterpiece, “The Doorway.” Isn’t it beautiful? Listening to this can you see how relationships can serve as a catalyst for our evolution? A doorway to knowing ourselves more deeply… Music can be irreverent! But, that’s fun! I love empowering music, and one of my favorite singer/songwriters is Storm Large. She’s not for everyone, but she tells it like it is and she says things the most of us would never dare speak out loud. Like this inappropriate song called, “I Want You to Die!” It is appropriate however for the angry hurt moments…. She’s a powerhouse who has lived through abuse, neglect, and depression. I love her! And have seen her in concert a couple of times. She has a wide range and is comfortable performing in jeans and a t-shirt or a fancy gown, like when she played Carnegie Hall. I personally think every woman should know Storm. You can check out her racy music, I’ll just share a mild one here that is perfect for getting over someone. Here’s Storm’s version of “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” Let’s Co-Create a Playlist! Now it’s your turn? Share your EMPOWERMENT music here! What are some fabulous songs, artists, genres you listen to?
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Samurai and the Inner Critic

Setting a boundary! In the many years I’ve worked with people who are going through a traumatic relationship breakup, I’ve discovered that everyone has an inner critic. Sometimes the critic can be helpful, but all too often it’s a destructive force that needs putting in its place. An out-of-control critic leads to depression! If you let your inner critic have its way, it will eat you alive. The critic can be relentless in blaming you for your breakup. You can recognize an out of control critic if you hear messages like these running through your head: If only you had….. It’s all your fault! You’re so _____ or too ______! The out-of-control critic will beat you down telling you that you’re not enough, not good enough, too much, or too little. Letting the critic go on and on will eventually lead to depression. It’s common to examine what when wrong when you’re faced with a breakup, but if you’re wallowing in self-pity and helplessness, you’re doing yourself no good. You can take some time to be sad – that’s totally okay. You should take time to evaluate, assess, and examine, but if you find yourself engaging in this behavior from a disempowered place, you’re likely to only create more suffering for yourself. Without limits and boundaries, the voice of your critic will only get stronger until you feel like you are worthless and there is no hope for your future. You can stop the downward spiral before it takes you down by taking out your sword! Off with its head! I discovered this very effective exercise when I was in the depths of despair myself. It’s the only thing that worked to get me out of the depression I found myself in, and it’s helped countless numbers of my clients as well. It works, but only if you are willing to set this very strong boundary with your critic. Here’s what I recommend: Draw a large circle on a piece of paper. On the inside of the circle, write all the things you will allow into your presence. Include things like kindness, love, and care. On the outside of the circle write all the things that you will not allow into your world. Include things like judgment, meanness, blame. Now draw an imaginary circle around yourself and say this out loud to your inner critic: These are the things I will allow in my inner circle (list them). If you are (insert the qualities you expect from your critic), then you are welcome here. If you are (insert the qualities that you no longer allowing into your world), then you are not welcome. Show your inner-critic your sword and let it know that you will cut its head off if it doesn’t respect your boundaries. The moment your critic crosses your boundary, chop its head off! You teach people, and your critic, how to treat you Some people have a very difficult time being ruthless with their inner-critic because they don’t want to be mean. But, if your critic has abused you, then the only way you’re going to get it to stop is to make it stop! Don’t worry about hurting your inner critic, it’s not concerned about your well-being. Mine grew a head back every 15 seconds for three months, but today it keeps a healthy distance from me and is very kind. Its head is now the size of a golf ball and it speaks in a high squeaky voice that is difficult to take seriously. And, my critic is just fine. It has the power to deliver messages in an empowered and respectful manner, and if it doesn’t then it knows the consequences. Divorce Recovery is expedited through clear boundaries and expert support One of the most powerful things you can do to expedite your divorce recovery is to set clear boundaries with what goes on inside your mind. Instead of an uncaring inner-critic, you will need a strong inner-compassion guru. A part of you that will be kind and gentle with you and help you through this difficult time. Schedule some time with me today to explore what kind of divorce recovery support you need to move you powerfully into your new life in empowered and emotionally healthy ways. A study of Spiritual Divorce is starting soon and has helped many people infuse their life with hope and possibility.
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