How to Bring Your Sexy Back After Divorce

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• Breakup Music Playlist

  Music as a self-care practice! Music is an important part of our lives, isn’t it? There are certain songs that take us back to a specific time of our lives, like our teen years, or an event, like our wedding day. My ex-brother and sister-in-law got married to the Beatles song, “Will You Still Love Me When I’m 64?” They’re still together. I should have known where my marriage was headed when my husband asked the mariachis to serenade us with, “El Asesino, which, in Spanish, means The Murderer (in case you were wondering). Oh, that should have been a red flag that I was creating my break up music playlist. And today it makes sense that one of my favorite songs to listen to several years into our marriage was Willie Nelson’s Country & Western hit, “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille.” I hadn’t been happy for a long time. Music connects the head and heart! After I left my marriage, I listened to a lot of music that was heart-opening, like “Ra Ma Da Sa” by Snatam Kaur. I was very intentional listening as I engaged in my Kundalini yoga practice. And then I listened incessantly to Michael Franti. I resonated with songs like “Hey World (Don’t give Up), ” because I felt like my world was a war zone. It gave me hope and I felt like I was asking the Universe to not give up on me -personally! Oh, and I learned to drum – it was like listening to my own heartbeat that I had lost touch with. A few years later, my lover turned me onto Prog, and the musical bars were raised! Listen to Spock’s Beard’s masterpiece, “The Doorway.” Isn’t it beautiful? Listening to this can you see how relationships can serve as a catalyst for our evolution? A doorway to knowing ourselves more deeply… Music can be irreverent! But, that’s fun! I love empowering music, and one of my favorite singer/songwriters is Storm Large. She’s not for everyone, but she tells it like it is and she says things the most of us would never dare speak out loud. Like this inappropriate song called, “I Want You to Die!” It is appropriate however for the angry hurt moments…. She’s a powerhouse who has lived through abuse, neglect, and depression. I love her! And have seen her in concert a couple of times. She has a wide range and is comfortable performing in jeans and a t-shirt or a fancy gown, like when she played Carnegie Hall. I personally think every woman should know Storm. You can check out her racy music, I’ll just share a mild one here that is perfect for getting over someone. Here’s Storm’s version of “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” Let’s Co-Create a Playlist! Now it’s your turn? Share your EMPOWERMENT music here! What are some fabulous songs, artists, genres you listen to?

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• It’s not if you fall, it’s what you do after that counts!

  When I saw this video, I cried… There are certain circumstances that can knock us down. Life throws us challenges: a move to a new home; a change in career; an unexpected death in the family; an illness; a divorce. We don’t always know how to get back up after big losses, but I hope this video gives you some inspiration to do it… to get back up and move forward. Feelings like sadness, grief, disappointment, frustration, and grief can overwhelm us. I know… I’ve been there! Do You Feel Alone? Going through a major life transition often leaves us feeling alone. Well-meaning friends and family can give us wonderful support, but it’s not always what we need and we can end up feeling more alone than ever. If this is your experience, you’re not alone (no pun intended). If you’ve moved, changed your career left a relationship then you have a lot to deal with. Your surroundings may have changed. The people you trusted and counted on may not be available in the ways you need them. You might need a new support system, and that is completely and totally normal and expected! Prepare Yourself! I know it’s not as easy as saying, “Just do blah, blah, blah!” You may know what needs to change. You may know what you need to do differently, but you may not be in a position to create the pathway to a better future. The woman in the video trained to run that race. She trained to win. She had a coach. She practiced every day. Take some time and create a plan – a step-by-step plan that gets you hooked into community gets you the support you need and holds you accountable for taking decisive and strategic actions to get back on top of your life. It may be a struggle. You may get out of breath feeling overwhelmed, but you can do it. Here’s how you can reinvent yourself and move toward a better future. With each and every action you take, ask yourself, “Will this keep me stuck in the past or will it propel me to the future I desire?” Ask this question for what you believe – do you need to change your beliefs? As this question for what you tell yourself in your internal dialogue – do you need to have a strong boundary with yourself to change how you talk to yourself? Choose who you will invite in as your support team. Who are your coaches and cheerleaders? Who can you complain to that won’t let you get away with complaining, but won’t make you feel bad about yourself either? Who will hold you in your highest, hold your hand every step of the way, and hold your heart in sacred trust? I will! If you want support to reinvent yourself, schedule a complimentary 30 minute call with me here and we’ll explore how I can support you.

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• 3 tips for surviving the holidays after divorce

  Divorce is challenging no matter when you leave your marriage. Making the decision to divorce during the holidays can be particularly challenging. It’s not uncommon to put off the decision for a better time, like at the end of a year or when the kids go off to college. Unfortunately for many, the better time turns into years of indecision, deeper despair, and increased unhappiness. It’s a given that your family will be challenged regardless of when you decide to break up, however, there are things you can do to ease the burden and move forward with confidence that you’re going to be okay. My marriage ended just before Thanksgiving nine years ago, and it was a very sad and confusing time for everyone. Through my own experience and working with hundreds of people leaving a marriage, I’ve learned some tips to help you, not only survive the holidays but believe that you will at some point be able to thrive in your new life. Statistics have shown that it takes on average 4 to 8 years to completely move on from a divorce. Anything you can do to shorten your healing process will benefit you, and everyone affected by your breakup. Whether this approaching holiday season will be your first experience post-divorce, you’re in the middle of a breakup, or if you’re several years post-divorce and still haven’t been able to get through the holidays, these 3 tips will help! Surviving the holidays: Tip #1 – Connect! The most important thing you can do to survive the holidays is to create connections. Most people tell me that they feel out of place and that they feel they don’t belong anywhere. This is a normal experience that you absolutely must not give into. Connect, no matter what. Isolating yourself will breed feelings of victimization, loneliness, and sadness. You may still have these feelings, but you won’t be alone – and it’s much harder to dig yourself into despair when you are with people. Who you spend time with during the holidays may change, and this can be sad. Don’t let it stop you. If you always attend your in-laws’ holiday gatherings and this year you are not participating, find somewhere else to share the day with. You might want to attend a singles (or single parent) meetup for the holidays. There are a lot of them, but if there isn’t one in your area, then consider going out of town for the day. Call a friend and invite yourself to dinner. Some people tell me, “Inviting myself to someone’s holiday gathering means I’m pathetic. I won’t do it!” To this I say, “Do it!” Pathetic is an interpretation you’ve made. This brings me to Tip #2… Surviving the holidays: Tip #2 – Choose your interpretations! If you’re like me, and most of the clients I’ve worked with, you have special needs during the holidays: needs for compassion and care; needs for inclusion and kindness; needs for non-judgment and most of all a need to feel hopeful about your future. Making negative interpretations is common, so don’t feel bad if you’re looking at everything that is wrong with your situation. Just don’t stop there… Make a list of what you’re making your divorce, or the experiences you’re having, mean about you. Your kids may be angry at you. You might feel guilty that you’ve caused your loved ones to feel pain. You might feel you don’t deserve to be happy or you’re unworthy of love. Look at your interpretations and determine which ones make you feel bad and which ones make you feel good. Statistically, your interpretations will probably be negative. Knowing this will give you the awareness to consciously choose how you’re going to view your circumstances. Once you have your list of interpretations, see if you can create positive interpretations about your experience. For example, you get to create a new life for yourself, you deserve to be happy, the universe is conspiring on your behalf to give you everything your heart desires. If this feels too simplistic, schedule a session with me and we can come up with some powerful interpretations that you can hang your hat on! Surviving the holidays: Tip #3 – Create something new! Divorce = a lot of letting go! Use tip #2 to create an empowering interpretation about what you’re letting go of. Choose to see this as an opportunity to breathe something new into your life. Let yourself get creative and do something out of the ordinary, or something you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because of the relationship you were in. Try something new! What new tradition will you start this year? You might be overcome with grief, sadness, and guilt this year, but don’t let that stop you from moving forward. If you want some support in surviving the holidays and creating something new, then join me for a special call on Wednesday, November 13th at 6 pm pacific (9 pm eastern) and we’ll share more tips for surviving the holidays. We’ll brainstorm in this interactive community call to help you with new ideas and you’ll have an opportunity to join a small online group to help you survive the holidays and celebrate your successes – together… in community with people who care, so you don’t feel alone as you move through the next couple months. Join our call: Surviving the holidays: Taking a BREAK from divorce drama

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• 3 Tips to Saving a Relationship

  Fixing a relationship is much easier when you commit to these three things. Most people come to me for one of three reasons. They either want to move on after the ending of a relationship, they want to prepare themselves for a new relationship, or they want to know how to fix a relationship they’re in. The steps are the same for all three circumstances, they’re just applied differently. Today, we’re going to focus on how to fix a relationship. Your relationship didn’t get “broken” overnight, right? Most relationships need fixing because of a long series of choices that span many months or years. What’s important to know about this is that you’ll need to fix your relationship in the same manner — many choices over a period of time. This should give you hope, because consciously choosing your actions gives you the power to change your circumstances. That’s what you want, right? READ MORE over at Your Tango

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• The Law of Responsibility

  The Law of Responsibility will give you incredible freedom. This is counter-intuitive, but taking responsibility for yourself starts with acknowledging that the way your relationship looks and feels is the result of your choices. Many people point their fingers at their ex-partner and claim that ‘it’ was all their fault, while others might blame themselves. Here’s one thing we know for sure, if you blame others, you are not taking responsibility for yourself and you cannot heal and move on if you’re a victim. What does blame sound like? Internal dialogue running in the background… Does this sound familiar? It’s all my fault! I’m such a failure. If only I did it differently. If only I was prettier, nicer, sexier…. Blah, blah, blah…. He ruined my life. She betrayed me and now I’ll never trust again. Blah, blah, blah! Blaming does not serve you, and only indicates that you are in a victim mentality. With the laws of acceptance, surrender, and Divine guidance you will understand that taking responsibility is not about blaming…others or yourself. Blaming does not work. It does not change your circumstances and it does not make you feel better or motivate you to make necessary changes. Blaming your ex-partner will not bring you the peace you’re looking for. The Law of Responsibility requires that you end the blame game and take responsibility for what you’ve created. This is a hard law for many to integrate, but I can help you take this important step in healing your heart. When you take responsibility, you acknowledge how powerful you are. Be assured that as you take responsibility for what you’ve created, you will not be asked to condone inappropriate behavior or justify abuse. That is NEVER okay! Be honest with yourself! In this process, I will ask you to be brutally honest and ruthlessly compassionate with yourself. You will discover key choice points in your relationship that contributed to the necessity of a heart healing. Many people find that living The Law of Responsibility is a powerful turning point in their life, for it is in taking responsibility that you reclaim your ability to consciously create. Take responsibility Laura Silva is referring to teaching children to take responsibility for their choices. We could learn from what she teaches children. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Responsibility | My Heart Heals.

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