Protecting your heart is a normal & natural thing to do!
But it won’t get you what you want. One of the first things to happen when you go through a breakup or divorce is: you hurt like a #($*%. The pain can cut through you like a hot knife leaving you gasping for air. The normal human reaction to pain is to protect yourself. But unconscious protecting of your heart will leave you feeling alone and miserable. At its worst, it will deaden your spirit. As a result, you may feel disconnected from the very things you most want: love, partnership, connection, to not be alone. It’s very common to commit to never loving again because of how deeply you’ve been hurt. Here are 3 essential divorce care tips designed to protect your heart and keep it open. These tips act as crucial divorce care tips to protect your heart during the healing journey.
Building resilience after setback helps you face these challenges with inner strength, regain trust in yourself, and navigate the healing process with clarity and self‑compassion.
Step 1 -Stop Pointing your Finger!
Protections like anger, blame, and resentment, are a few of the walls we erect to protect our hearts. We think these protections keep us safe, but they don’t really work. We mistakenly think that someone has to be responsible for what went wrong. As a result, we either blame the other person or we beat ourselves up without mercy. During this time, consider some proven divorce care tips to protect your heart. Doing so can reduce resentment and self-blame.
What’s really happening if you’re blaming your ex for the pain you’re in is that you’re unconsciously directing responsibility for the breakup away from yourself. If they did something that was really awful, then it’s easy to point your finger and say, “It’s all your fault!” It’s no different than self-blame, except that you’re unconsciously taking all the responsibility. If you’re a self-blamer, then you’re saying things like, “If only I did _____ differently,” or “If only I was better at______.” Either way, the first step is to cease and desist all blame – inbound or outbound.
What if it didn’t really matter whose fault it
If this resonates, trauma informed coaching can help you feel safe in love again.
was? What if you could take responsibility for your part without blame? What if you didn’t take responsibility for the parts that aren’t yours-without pointing your finger? The result will be a conscious awareness of what you and your ex co-created – together! Your breakup wouldn’t be happening if only one of you was in the relationship. While it may still be painful to look at your breakup in this way, you must take responsibility without blame if you want to protect your heart. Then you can keep it open for future love. Learn more about Spiritual Divorce ™ and the Law of Responsibility.
Step 2 – Be Ruthlessly Compassionate!
You can’t keep your heart open and protect it without a huge dose of compassion as you look at yourself and your part of the breakup. You may be tempted to circle back to the blame. Instead, take a breath and tell yourself that you’re okay and you did the best you could at the time. Be firm with yourself and don’t go into beating yourself up. If you do have an over-powering inner-critic, send him or her away for a vacation – they need a break! You will need to be able to be gentle with yourself as you notice your relationship patterns. It’s also worth mentioning that divorce care tips for protecting your heart must always incorporate compassion for full recovery.
Step 3 – Identify Your Red Flags!
The information you discover from taking responsibility without blame will likely illuminate the choices you made that led to your breakup. If you’re completely honest with yourself, you will likely notice that you avoided something that you shouldn’t have avoided by sweeping it under the carpet. Maybe you didn’t speak up or you ignored signs of cheating, maybe you weren’t really happy but stayed for the kids. Give yourself permission to find your red flags, because they are your gold mine. Your red flags are what you will use to keep your heart open and safe at the same time. By addressing red flags as they come up, you will build a trusting relationship with yourself. As a result, you can count on yourself to make conscious relationship choices. In summary, as you continue healing, implement carefully chosen divorce care tips. These will help protect your heart at each step.
Need Support and divorce care? Learn the 7 Spiritual Laws in an 8-week Study & Support Group
If you just haven’t been able to get through your pain, then I’d like to invite you to join me in a study of Debbie Ford’s Spiritual Divorce and get divorce care and support in our interactive online group. For extra help, remember that strategies such as divorce care tips to protect your heart are available and effective. Use the above link to get more information or email me to sign up for the 8-week support group starting soon. You’re going to be okay!
