Transform Your Love Life: Healing from Trauma Inside Out

I loved meeting with my friend and colleague, Jeanne Byrd, to discuss how food, movement, and mindset can help heal the wounds of early trauma and create a foundation for authentic, lasting love. Jeanne is an Integrative Nutritionist making a connection between caring for your body and cultivating healthy, loving relationships.

From Sacrifice to Self-Care: How Caring for Your Body Transforms Your Life

When I reflect on my conversation with Jeanne Byrd for my podcast, I’m struck by how deeply her story of neglecting her own needs mirrored my own—and likely many of yours. Jeanne’s experience in the demanding film industry led her to put her physical well-being on the back burner, sacrificing herself for the sake of her career. That resonated with me because I’ve done the same in relationships, giving and giving until there was nothing left of me.

For many of us who experienced early trauma, this pattern of self-neglect is familiar. Childhood wounds often teach us to strive for worthiness by taking care of others while abandoning our own needs. But here’s the truth: self-sacrifice doesn’t make you worthy. Recognizing this pattern and choosing self-care instead is an act of reclaiming your power. It’s not selfish—it’s survival and transformation.

Food as Medicine: Choosing Nourishment Over Neglect

I’ve always believed that healing the wounds of the past requires addressing both the emotional and physical aspects of our lives. Jeanne and I agreed on one crucial thing: food is medicine. Unfortunately, many of us are stuck in habits that reflect how we feel about ourselves. The Standard American Diet (SAD) is not designed to nourish—it’s designed for convenience and addiction, and it often mirrors the emotional neglect we’ve internalized from our past.

Choosing nutrient-rich foods is a form of self-love. It says, “I matter, and I deserve to feel good.” This doesn’t mean you have to overhaul everything overnight. Start small. Jeanne shared a simple but powerful tip: swap out unhealthy options like ice cream for frozen fruit purees. This one change can boost your energy, shift your mood, and show you the power of taking just one step in the direction of care.

Try This: What’s one unhealthy habit you can replace with a nourishing choice? Take it one day at a time and notice how it makes you feel.

The Gut-Heart Connection: Healing from the Inside Out

If you’ve ever felt “off” emotionally and couldn’t quite put your finger on why, it might be time to look at your gut health. I’ve learned through my conversation with Jeanne—that our gut, often called the “second brain,” plays a massive role in our emotional well-being. The gut and brain communicate constantly, influencing our mood, stress levels, and even our capacity for connection.

For those of us healing from trauma, healing the gut is like creating a stronger foundation for emotional resilience. Even small changes, like adding gut-friendly foods (berries, whole grains) and avoiding inflammatory combinations (white flour and potatoes), can make a significant difference. It’s not just about food—it’s about how you feel in your body and your relationships.

Action Step: Reflect on your current diet. What foods could you add that truly nourish your body and mind? Start with one gut-friendly food this week.

Movement as Medicine: Honoring Your Body with Action

Movement has been one of the most transformative tools in my healing journey. I’ve experienced how even small, intentional actions—like walking outside or stretching—can change my mood, energy, and outlook. Movement isn’t just about getting fit; it’s about honoring your body, showing up for yourself, and reconnecting with the vessel that carries you through life. Remember, movement isn’t about punishment; it’s about joy and connection. When we move, we remind ourselves that we are alive, capable, and worthy of care.

Start Small: Commit to just 10 minutes of movement a day. Notice how it shifts your mood and reconnects you with your body.

Transforming Beliefs: From “I Don’t Matter” to “I Am Worthy”

The beliefs we carry from childhood shape everything—what we eat, how we treat our bodies, and the relationships we attract. For years, I carried the false belief that I didn’t matter. It influenced how I cared for myself (or didn’t) and the kind of love I accepted into my life. The work of healing begins with questioning these beliefs. What’s more true than “I don’t matter?” These shifts take time, but each step you take—whether it’s eating better, moving your body, or speaking kindly to yourself—reinforces the truth of your worth.

Reflection Exercise: Pay attention to how certain choices make you feel. Are they aligned with the belief that you matter, or are they reinforcing neglect? Start choosing actions that affirm your worth.

Building Trust and Accountability: Finding Support on the Journey

For many trauma survivors, trust is a challenging concept. It’s hard to rely on others when trust was violated early on. But healing doesn’t happen in isolation and it’s important to find a guide—someone who can hold space for you, remind you of your strengths, and support you when taking those first steps feels impossible.

If you’re hesitant to trust, know that it’s okay. Start small. Find someone who listens, cares, and holds you accountable with kindness. Healing is a process, and having someone by your side can make all the difference.

Pro Tip: Look for a coach, mentor, or community that feels aligned with your goals. Trust is built over time, one small step at a time.

Small Actions, Big Transformation: Start Today

Here’s what I’ve learned from my own journey – transformation doesn’t happen all at once. It’s the result of small, intentional actions taken consistently over time.

Maybe your first step is swapping out one unhealthy food. Maybe it’s going for a short walk or journaling about how a meal made you feel. Maybe it’s reaching out to someone for support. Whatever it is, commit to it. You don’t have to change everything overnight—you just have to start.

I invite you to make a commitment to yourself. Choose one action—big or small—that says, “I care about me.” Maybe it’s preparing a healthy meal, going outside for fresh air, or simply sitting with the thought, “I matter.” Whatever it is, let it be a testament to your journey of healing and growth.

Taking care of your body is not just about health—it’s about reclaiming your power and creating the life and relationships you deserve. You are worthy of care, connection, and love. Start today, one small step at a time. You’ve got this.

To explore Jeanne Byrd’s work further, visit her website at JeanneByrd.com or tune into her podcast Love Sugar on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or YouTube. For more conversations like this, subscribe to From Trauma to True Love and join us in creating lives filled with love, connection, and wholeness.

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Science proves we are hardwired for this

What does the Research Show? Over a decade of research confirms two of my 7-key practices as necessary for living a happy and fulfilling life after divorce. This TedTalk by Brene’ Brown should be watched often to remind you that you are in control of the quality of your experience in life, even as your life seems to be unraveling completely out of control. Implement these practices from my PDF Report and you will shorten your healing process – guaranteed! Why is Divorce so Painful? Science has shown that we are neurobiologically wired for CONNECTION. When we experience a divorce, so many connections are severed. We no longer have a partner to sleep next to or share the successes and challenges our daily life brings. The connections we have in our social circles change. We no longer share dinner parties or vacations or holidays with the same people and it’s quite common to feel like we no longer belong. Science confirms what I have seen working with hundreds of clients going through divorce, that some of the deepest pain we experience is when we feel disconnected. Why do we allow ourselves to isolate? My research shows that 85% of people going through divorce isolate themselves from community, family, and friends. They speak of not wanting anyone to know what they are going through because they feel ashamed of being divorced. The resulting experience is that they feel alone and disconnected from possibilities. A decade of scientific research supports my findings that shame is the reason we isolate ourselves and hide what’s really going on. This only prolongs our suffering! What is shame? Brene’ Brown describes it as: The fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? ~Brene’ Brown Brene’ goes on to explain that the underneath shame is a sense of not being good enough. Beneath this surface, she says is an ‘excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.” It’s normal to worry about what people think! Not one person I’ve worked with hasn’t had a sense of fear about what people think about them, but in terms of being happy, it’s wasted energy that is counter-productive to rebuilding a life for yourself after divorce and finding your way back into connection. If you are withholding how you’re really feeling and what is really going on with you, then it’s likely you are experiencing shame. Your sense of worthiness is compromised and when you lack a sense of worthiness of receiving love and belonging, then you will isolate yourself as a protection. But, that will never give you what you really want, which research shows is connection. You must attend to your sense of Worthiness! In over six years of collecting stories, conducting interviews, and heading focus groups, researcher Brene’ Brown discovered that There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it… the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy… the thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection… After a divorce or breakup, our sense of worthiness may be shaken or it may be that a deeper wounding around our worthiness is spotlighted. It there is one thing that I’ve noticed can change your life faster is to develop your sense of worthiness to, not only have love and belonging, but to create a better life for yourself beyond your loss. Let yourself be Courageous! Courage is the one quality that needs to be cultivated when moving on after a divorce so you can experience connection. Brence’s research shows that those with a sense of courage are those that have a strong sense of love and belonging. Courage, as Brene’ explains is “to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart [and to have] the compassion to be kind to [yourself] first and then to others [because] we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.” Telling the story of who are are with your whole heart requires you to be vulnerable and honest with others about what you’re going through and how you’re feeling. It requires you to be real and raw. When my clients are vulnerable with me, I make sure they know how beautiful they are in their vulnerability and how deeply connected I feel to them because of them sharing authentically. How can you create connection? There are numerous things you can do to alleviate your suffering and many of them are going to be directly related to your willingness to be vulnerable and create meaningful connections with people. Here are some suggestions: Share authentically with people about what is going on with you. Tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. Don’t worry about being rejected and don’t let perceived rejection stop you or inhibit you. The depth of connection you will make will be worth it. Stop complaining about everything and everyone you’ve lost and get your butt out there and meet new people. Be real with them too! Work with me to develop your sense of worthiness! Share your thoughts and *vulnerable* experience here! One way to connect is to leave a comment. Share from your heart. What are your struggles? What are your hopes and dreams for your future? Explore Our Website Check out our recommended reading section for top picks on personal growth, child behaviour, and emotional healing. You can also check out The Freedom Project, a heart-led initiative that’s all about bringing people together to evolve beyond the impact of childhood sexual abuse.
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The Law of Choice

How we interpret the events in our lives determines our experience. How can this be true? Let me give you an example. My mother left when I was a teenager. She left without saying, “Goodbye.” I interpreted her leaving to mean that I was insignificant. I felt as if I didn’t matter and was unworthy of her time and attention. The belief that I created in my own mind, led to a life in which I felt very insignificant. To avoid feeling insignificant I created situations in which I was a key player. I didn’t want to feel those old wounds and so I avoided them like the plague. Unfortunately, I still felt insignificant, and nothing I could do filled the wound. The only thing that shifted my experience was integrating The Law of Choice. Once I stepped out of an automatic negatively created interpretation, I was able to consciously create an empowering interpretation of these painful events. Choosing your interpretations of the events in your life is a very powerful step toward healing your heart. There is no better way to empower yourself than to view the circumstances of your relationship from The Law of Choice. We make hundreds of choices every day. Are they conscious? You make hundreds of choices about how to spend your money. You make choices to turn left or right all day long. You choose what books to read and you choose which shows to watch on television. The amount of choice that is available to you is insurmountable. Life is a matter of choice. Why would it not be true also for your thinking? You decide what to think about what has happened to you–what it means about you. Often you look outside of yourself for what to believe about yourself and the events of your life. With the ending of a relationship, you will find yourself with a potpourri of options. You can choose to think that the ending of your relationship is the worst thing that ever happened or the best. I’d like to support you in making a powerful interpretation of the ending of your relationship. An interpretation that opens the door to a life beyond what you can currently comprehend. A life filled with peace and love and fulfillment. Choose your thoughts! I love the work of Byron Katie because she is able to zero in on how our thoughts dictate our behavior. We will either choose to think thoughts that limit us or that expand us. We will choose thoughts that empower us or disempower us. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Choice | My Heart Heals.
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The Law of Acceptance

The first spiritual law states “everything is as it should be.” It’s not easy to embrace this law when your spouse just lied to you about your financial situation, cheated on you with your best friend, or is threatening you with divorce. Nor is it easy to embrace this law when your heart is broken and you are in the most intense pain wishing to not have the experience you’re having and for your life to be different. There’s an old Sufi story about a farmer and his son. Have you heard it? The farmer heads out to feed his animals and his prized horse is dead. As soon as the village learned of this tragedy, they came to express their condolences. The farmer heard the same message throughout the day: “What a terrible thing to have happen to you. This is the worst thing that could happen.” The farmer repeated what became a mantra to the well-wishers: “Perhaps…. perhaps…” The following week, while the farmer was working the land, his eldest son runs to tell him that he just captured a herd of wild horses. This time the villagers were excited for the farmer and came to congratulate him on his good fortune. “You are so lucky! Look at the blessing that has been bestowed upon you. An entire herd of horses! You rock!” Interestingly, the farmer’s reply was the same as before, “Perhaps…” A few days later he sent his son to tame the wild horses. In the process, the farmer’s son was thrown to the ground and his leg was broken. You know the villagers were pretty tight back then, so they all heard of the tragedy. Once again the villagers came to check on the boy and to inform the farmer of what bad luck he was having. The farmer’s reply once again was, “Perhaps… perhaps.” The farmer’s son was still bedridden several weeks later when the emperor sent his messengers to round up all the boys who could fight in a local battle. Of course, they passed the boy right on by when the messengers saw how injured he was. A few weeks later, the neighbors, who lost their sons in the battle, again come by the farmer’s home and say, “You’re so lucky to have your son home with you.” And do you know what the farmer said? You’re right, “Perhaps… perhaps.” Acceptance: It may be the last thing you want to do. Usually, when we’re in the middle of a crisis, our first thought tends to be something like this: It shouldn’t be like this. Why is this happening to me? The Law of Acceptance teaches us that our lives are always evolving whether we know it or not and invites us to remember that what may appear to be a tragedy, maybe in reality leading us to the fulfillment of our dreams. When you are living this law you will be heading toward a trusting relationship with the Divine. You will trust on an intuitive level that the changes that are taking place in your life are ultimately for your highest good – even when you are hurting. The Law of Acceptance is the first step toward healing your broken heart. As you embrace The Law of Acceptance, you will open yourself up to reinventing yourself and creating the life that you most desire. RESOURCES: exercise, book, and a video. Spiritual Divorce by Debbie Ford The Right Questions by Debbie Ford Byron Katie — Is it true? In this powerful video, Byron Katie highlights a story about a woman who doesn’t even know what she wants. After asking a few important questions, she discovers that she doesn’t even want her husband back. Can you imagine the freedom you can have from discovering what you really want?
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The Law of Surrender

This Spiritual Law requires that you surrender to the circumstances of your life as they are. Ultimately, this is the “telling myself the truth” law. This is the way it is, now what? When you are able to surrender to what is, then you open yourself up to tons of possibilities that will change the experience you are having with your life. Surrendering is very different than giving up. When you “give up,” you feel victimized, but when you surrender you become empowered to take different actions than you have in the past. When you “give up,” you feel drained and empty, but when you surrender you are filled with inspiration and become open to a wider view of yourself and the world around you. When you resist what is, whatever you’re resisting consumes your attention and it becomes very difficult to be in the flow of your life. Surrendering opens us up to a greater reality than what we previously thought possible. Dan Millman talks about The Law of Surrender In the first half of this video, Millman teaches this law using some common circumstances we might find ourselves in. The Law of Surrender gives us new ways to be in the world. Millman also teaches an important concept that I work with in my coaching work: “Emotions are the weather patterns of the body.” During the second half of the video, Millman shares a simple way to stay in the present moment. via My Heart Heals With The Law of Surrender | My Heart Heals.
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Breakup Music Playlist

Music as a self-care practice! Music is an important part of our lives, isn’t it? There are certain songs that take us back to a specific time of our lives, like our teen years, or an event, like our wedding day. My ex-brother and sister-in-law got married to the Beatles song, “Will You Still Love Me When I’m 64?” They’re still together. I should have known where my marriage was headed when my husband asked the mariachis to serenade us with, “El Asesino, which, in Spanish, means The Murderer (in case you were wondering). Oh, that should have been a red flag that I was creating my break up music playlist. And today it makes sense that one of my favorite songs to listen to several years into our marriage was Willie Nelson’s Country & Western hit, “You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille.” I hadn’t been happy for a long time. Music connects the head and heart! After I left my marriage, I listened to a lot of music that was heart-opening, like “Ra Ma Da Sa” by Snatam Kaur. I was very intentional listening as I engaged in my Kundalini yoga practice. And then I listened incessantly to Michael Franti. I resonated with songs like “Hey World (Don’t give Up), ” because I felt like my world was a war zone. It gave me hope and I felt like I was asking the Universe to not give up on me -personally! Oh, and I learned to drum – it was like listening to my own heartbeat that I had lost touch with. A few years later, my lover turned me onto Prog, and the musical bars were raised! Listen to Spock’s Beard’s masterpiece, “The Doorway.” Isn’t it beautiful? Listening to this can you see how relationships can serve as a catalyst for our evolution? A doorway to knowing ourselves more deeply… Music can be irreverent! But, that’s fun! I love empowering music, and one of my favorite singer/songwriters is Storm Large. She’s not for everyone, but she tells it like it is and she says things the most of us would never dare speak out loud. Like this inappropriate song called, “I Want You to Die!” It is appropriate however for the angry hurt moments…. She’s a powerhouse who has lived through abuse, neglect, and depression. I love her! And have seen her in concert a couple of times. She has a wide range and is comfortable performing in jeans and a t-shirt or a fancy gown, like when she played Carnegie Hall. I personally think every woman should know Storm. You can check out her racy music, I’ll just share a mild one here that is perfect for getting over someone. Here’s Storm’s version of “Hopelessly Devoted To You.” Let’s Co-Create a Playlist! Now it’s your turn? Share your EMPOWERMENT music here! What are some fabulous songs, artists, genres you listen to?
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