Three Reasons People File for Divorce in January
(and How Childhood Trauma May Play a Role in Your Decision)
January is often referred to as “Divorce Month,” with more people deciding to end their marriages during this time than any other month. The start of a new year brings a natural reflection on life, relationships, and what the future holds. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the thought of staying in an unhappy marriage for another year, you are not alone.
For many, the decision to leave is not just about the present struggles in their relationship—it’s about patterns that may have been shaped long before the marriage even began. Childhood trauma, including childhood sexual abuse (CSA), can have a profound impact on the way we choose partners, navigate intimacy, and establish boundaries in relationships. Sometimes, divorce isn’t just about the marriage—it’s about breaking free from old survival mechanisms that no longer serve us.
If you’re at a crossroads, know that whatever path you choose, it deserves to be approached with compassion, clarity, and support. As a coach who works with women navigating these deeply personal transitions, I want to offer a perspective on why so many people choose to file in January—and how unresolved trauma may be playing a role in your decision.
Reason #3 – A Thoughtful Pause: Compassion vs. Timing
For many, the decision to leave isn’t sudden—it’s something they’ve wrestled with for months or even years. While some may have known during the holidays that their marriage was coming to an end, they wait until January to file, often out of consideration for their family.
This waiting period is often misunderstood. Some see it as postponing the inevitable out of fear or avoidance, but for many, it is an act of love and respect. They want to protect their children from emotional distress during the holidays or give themselves the time to process what’s ahead. Others are working through deeper fears—such as the fear of abandonment or rejection—that may have roots in childhood experiences.
If you’ve been holding onto this decision, know that there is no perfect time. There is only the path that feels right for you.
Reason #2 – The Desire for a Fresh Start
A new year brings with it the hope of new beginnings. For those who have exhausted all efforts to heal their marriage, the thought of staying in a relationship filled with disconnection, pain, or unspoken resentments can feel unbearable.
But for those with a history of CSA or childhood trauma, making the decision to leave can be even more complicated. Trauma can create deep-seated patterns—such as staying in relationships that feel familiar rather than healthy, tolerating mistreatment, or fearing the unknown more than an unhappy present. Many people who experienced trauma as children were taught to minimize their needs or ignore their intuition, making it difficult to trust themselves in relationships.
If you’re at this crossroads, I encourage you to take a deep breath and know that you don’t have to do this alone. Whether you want to explore ways to repair your relationship or need support in making a transition, I’m here to help you navigate this with clarity and self-compassion.
Reason #1 – The Well-Being of Children
Many people stay in marriages longer than they should because they believe it’s best for their children. The thought of breaking up a family is heart-wrenching, and the fear of causing harm can keep people stuck in relationships that no longer serve them.
But if you grew up in a home where relationships were dysfunctional, unhealthy, or even abusive, staying may not be the best example for your children. They learn about love, boundaries, and self-worth by watching you. If your relationship is filled with tension, resentment, or emotional detachment, your children may absorb those lessons, too.
One of the hardest realizations I help my clients come to is that staying in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children can sometimes teach them the very patterns we hoped to protect them from—settling for less, tolerating mistreatment, or believing that love and suffering must coexist.
This doesn’t mean divorce is the only answer. But it does mean that if you’re struggling, it’s worth taking an honest look at what you want to model for your children. Whether that means healing your marriage or making the difficult decision to leave, I’m here to support you in finding the healthiest path forward.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
Deciding whether to stay or leave is one of the hardest choices you may ever face, and if childhood trauma or past abuse is a factor, it can feel even more overwhelming. But you don’t have to figure this out by yourself.
If you’re feeling uncertain or want guidance on navigating this transition in a way that prioritizes emotional well-being for yourself and your children, I invite you to reach out. I’d love to share my Family Transitions Guidelines with you—resources designed to help you move forward with clarity, compassion, and confidence.
No matter what you choose, know that you are worthy of love, respect, and a life that truly honors your deepest truth.
💛 If you’d like support, reach out to me, and I’ll send you my Family Transitions Guidelines to help you take your next step with clarity and care.
